Kids
Either you love 'em or you hate 'em. Or in the case of Fred West - both. Tell us your ankle-biter stories.
( , Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:10)
Either you love 'em or you hate 'em. Or in the case of Fred West - both. Tell us your ankle-biter stories.
( , Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:10)
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Musical prodigy
When I was younger, around 9 or 10, my parents decided it would be good for my 'cultural development' to learn a musical instrument. No 'cool' instrument like the guitar or drums for me, however - being painfully middle class, my parents decided that the violin would be the perfect outlet for my creativity. This was before my teenage rebellion phase, so, anxious to please, I practised day and night with that infernal instrument. At first, the 'music' resembled a choir of cats slowly being strangled in a vat of acid, but, gradually, I improved, until I was capable of making a grown Irishman weep with one stroke of the bow (note: may be an exaggeration).
I became quite accomplished in my playing - so much so, that my parents actively encouraged me to enter a local talent competition for youngsters. When my turn came, I stood, gently sweating, and serenaded the audience with a beautiful rendition of 'When The Saints Go Marching In'. The entire audience rose up on their feet, and applauded until it seemed as though their arms would rip from their sockets (note: may be an exaggeration).
I ended up winning first place - ended up with a cheap and tatty plastic trophy.
That's right folks - I am officially an award-winning kiddie fiddler.
Thinking of adding it to my CV...
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:25, 7 replies)
When I was younger, around 9 or 10, my parents decided it would be good for my 'cultural development' to learn a musical instrument. No 'cool' instrument like the guitar or drums for me, however - being painfully middle class, my parents decided that the violin would be the perfect outlet for my creativity. This was before my teenage rebellion phase, so, anxious to please, I practised day and night with that infernal instrument. At first, the 'music' resembled a choir of cats slowly being strangled in a vat of acid, but, gradually, I improved, until I was capable of making a grown Irishman weep with one stroke of the bow (note: may be an exaggeration).
I became quite accomplished in my playing - so much so, that my parents actively encouraged me to enter a local talent competition for youngsters. When my turn came, I stood, gently sweating, and serenaded the audience with a beautiful rendition of 'When The Saints Go Marching In'. The entire audience rose up on their feet, and applauded until it seemed as though their arms would rip from their sockets (note: may be an exaggeration).
I ended up winning first place - ended up with a cheap and tatty plastic trophy.
That's right folks - I am officially an award-winning kiddie fiddler.
Thinking of adding it to my CV...
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:25, 7 replies)
<enable Daily Mail mode>
Ban this sick musical filth! Violin playing must be stopped in young children!
Did you know that over 75% of children who play violin will go on to drink alcohol? Over 50% of them will go on to try illegal drugs, too! And play those godawful ultra-realistic muder-simulators like Doom!
*clicks*
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:52, closed)
Ban this sick musical filth! Violin playing must be stopped in young children!
Did you know that over 75% of children who play violin will go on to drink alcohol? Over 50% of them will go on to try illegal drugs, too! And play those godawful ultra-realistic muder-simulators like Doom!
*clicks*
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:52, closed)
scientists have also shown
that 98% of children that touch themselves at some point go on to become adults. That means every adult male has touched a young boys penis! This sick filth must be stopped!
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:57, closed)
that 98% of children that touch themselves at some point go on to become adults. That means every adult male has touched a young boys penis! This sick filth must be stopped!
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:57, closed)
Is it ok
To have sex with this 11-year-old girl now that she's 27?
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 16:13, closed)
To have sex with this 11-year-old girl now that she's 27?
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 16:13, closed)
what if
you were to masturbate to a photo of yourself when you were 11?
Eh, forget I asked that.
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 18:10, closed)
you were to masturbate to a photo of yourself when you were 11?
Eh, forget I asked that.
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 18:10, closed)
doubtful
but I was a Girl Guide leader for about 5 years, maybe that counts.
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 18:23, closed)
but I was a Girl Guide leader for about 5 years, maybe that counts.
( , Mon 21 Apr 2008, 18:23, closed)
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