As we're on the subject of unexpected fatherhood
A friend of mine was seeing my ex's cousin (D) for a while. She had fairly recently dropped her long-term feller of over 10 years as he couldn't give her the baby that she desperately craved, ended up seeing a bloke that was separated from his wife, but didn't want any more kids (and why would he? He already had a couple and was adjusting to single life again), so they parted after a few months.

D had joined the diving club at the same time as me, and B also joined around the same time. B was also a former colleague of my ex father in law from about 15 years previously, which in itself was a tad bizarre.

Anyway, B and D were together for a while, then informed everyone with glee that she was up the duff. B was surprised, but quite happy, and they set about looking for a place together. Except that neither could agree on the right location. By the time their daughter was born, they still hadn't found somewhere they both liked.

A couple of months after the birth, D dropped B like a stone, and moved into a house that her parents had bought for her just down the road from them. B was devastated, but determined to be a good dad to his newborn daughter, and pitched in as much as he could / was allowed.

Now, 8 years later, I am convinced that D basically just used B as a convenient sperm bank. She calls the shots, even though he first approached the CSA to volunteer child support. Which he pays, without hesitation. However, since falling pregnant, D has done barely a days work, despite having never been unemployed before - she was, before that, a police officer, and before that, a truck driver - and has lived on benefits since, along with the maintenance to her, and rent free in the house her parents are generously recompensed for by way of housing benefit...

B has his daughter once a week, for which he has a three hour round trip to pick her up and drop her off again. Daughter has spent 1 night in her father's presence in all that time. D in the mean time is doing her utmost to ensure that daughter can do all the things she never got to do herself - dancing lessons, horse-riding, you name it, she does it. However, her mother is so concerned with giving her 'the very best' that she can't see that her daughter has next to no ability to socially interact with people she doesn't know. I was chatting to B the other day in the pub - he told me that when his current girlfriend (who is lovely) asked daughter what she'd like for tea, she got so frustrated because she'd never been asked this before that she burst into tears...

B is a good bloke, and desparate to be a father to his daughter rather than someone she calls 'Dad' without actually having any concept of what a Dad is... As a result he spends the few short hours he has with her trying to cram in as much as he can. Which is commendable, but at the same time he'd probably just like to be able to veg out with her on occasion and watch TV together or colour in or make stuff, without the pressure of having to have her home by bed time...

The thing is, I always got on well with D, and her family - they were very supportive when me and the ex split up, and we still send birthday / Christmas cards. But I can't help feeling that they are completely wrong on this. If D was rushed into hospital (say, with a brain tumour as has happened to my ex) and her parents were no longer around, how on earth would daughter cope..?

Answers on a postcard please and apologies for lack of funny
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 22 Apr 2008, 21:00, 4 replies)

YES!!!
It really gets to me when parents don't realise that the way that they raise their children is affecting how they interact socially, and how damaging it can be not to learn to interact socially at an early age.
A few years ago i lived with a family whose mother (D)r was the most generous and giving person, who was constantly taken advantage of by her friend Y. she would constantly asking her to babysit her child S. S was raised in a household with no men, which in its self isn't a problem. But she was so warned against men that she could not talk to D's husband when in the house. She just ignored him. It was horrible, she knew his had been in his company and had seen him interact with his own daughter. He found it incredibly frustrating as he knew the root of the problem was S's mother.
Sorry grammar and capitals are probably all over the place but I'm frustrated just thinking about this. It scares me to think what this child has grown up like.
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 21:23, closed)

gah...
...women behaving like that utterly incenses me. I've heard friends of my sister talk of wanting children but not a man, and casually talk of 'accidentally' getting pregnant and then dropping the man like a stone. I've known girls who've happily admitted to doing it. Utter bitches.

But, on the other hand - blokes, take responsibilty for your own contraception. Women casually say they wouldn't trust a man to take the pill - I don't trust women to. Full stop.
(inflateable, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 21:25, closed)

Motherhood
I have friends who've been caught out with the "Oh, I want a baby and stopped taking the pill three months ago" thing.

At the risk of sounding judgemental, said women generally feel that not only are they entitled to have a baby but also entitled to raise said baby at the expense of the poor schmuck who has been conned into fathering it.

I agree with Resident's comments elsewhere to the effect that just because women have a womb does not entitle them to use it. Especially if they feel that they're entitled to live at someone else's expense afterward.

Frankly, such behaviour disgusts me beyond words.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Apr 2008, 10:50, closed)

@ inflateable
I agree to a point, but if the bloke is in what he thinks is a loving, trusting relationship he can be blinded to the facts sometimes. Much as I supect B was here.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Apr 2008, 12:06, closed)