If you don't shut up...
Many years ago, when I was about seven, my little brother was four and little sis was one. Back in those days, it was completely normal for kids to be left in the car while Mum went off to do the shopping. Since I was so grown-up, we even had the keys so we could have the radio.

My little brother climbed out onto the roof of the car, causing our Mum to come out of the shop, twat him one and poke him back through the window. She then told me to "look after your little brother".

Because of the twatting, and the interruption of his climbiness, said little brother was bawling his head off. He soon realised that this was annoying me, and he also set little sister off. I got steadily angrier and angrier, and he got noisier and noisier to match.

He was thoroughly enjoying it now, bawling was forgotten - he was just screaming to piss me off. I threatened him; I cajoled him; I hit him; I pinched him - all to no avail. Eventually, I told him that if he didn't shut up, I would set fire to him.

Silence.

"How?" asked he. "With the car cigarette lighter", quoth I. Laughter, disbelief, then more noise, followed by screaming. A lot of screaming. In retrospect, if his silence was my desire, pressing the glowing lighter into his thigh probably wasn't the best strategy. He's 35 now and still has the scar.

Well, I did warn him.
(lustfish, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 19:18, 1 reply)

Evil things,
in-car cigarette lighters. I've got a numb, bubbly bit on the end of my finger (god only knows how it's not grown out, I thought fingerprints were supposed to?!) from when I touched one to my finger to see if it was hot.

Then I went to put my finger in my mouth to cool it down. And in one of the many shows of my lack of co-ordination throughout my life, ended up licking the tip of the cigarette lighter, then screaming again and dropping it.

Result: One still bubbly finger 18 years after the fact, one still-numb tongue tip, and one burnt hole in the upholstery...
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 23:53, closed)