I once made everyone hate me with out saying a single word
I was once waiting for a kebab in a late night take away in Huddersfield. The place was quite busy with various groups of inebriated student types who'd all got the munchies from their various nights out. They'd all ordered their food and were now (like me) waiting to be called to collect it from the front and so were all just quietly standing and staring at the menu. No one spoke or so much as looked at each other while they were waiting. I remember that I'd just thought it strange how weirdly quiet it was considering so many people were in there when a total scumtard walked through the door.

You know the type. The jeans round the knees, the Burberry cap, and the gold chain that looked like it was heavier than he was. He clearly liked to think he was gangsta despite the fact he probably lived with his librarian mum and pet guinea pig.

He swaggered up to the front and ordered a can of coke, paid and went to leave. As he turned around though he caught site of quite a large girl sat in the corner, stopped, turned to look her straight in the face and shattered the silence with the words "Bet you ordered chips dint yer yer fat cunt!"

And then he left, leaving behind him a lot of people taking intakes of breath and shaking their heads disapprovingly, one upset fat girl, her friends asking if she was okay...and me...trying to stifle the fact that I was absolutely pissing myself.

In my defense, it wasn't that I'd found what he said funny. It was just how harsh and unexpected it was. The same reason I find "Whats the difference between a rock and a baby?" funny. Everybody turned at stared at me, and I had nearly recovered when the guy who ran the takeaway read her name out followed by her order...chips. I was gone
( Furness, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 19:08, 14 replies)

What is the difference between a rock and a baby?

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 19:50, closed)

One of its legs is both the doesn't exist

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 19:57, closed)

They are pluralised differently
One by suffixing with an -s and the other by changing the -y to -ies
( Ghoti Fingers, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:00, closed)

You can't buy a stick of baby

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:02, closed)

Rocks aren't delivered by stork

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:03, closed)

About 7,000km

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:03, closed)

One's a squalling infant, and the other's a hang on I haven't thought this through properly

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:04, closed)

muslims don't fuck rocks

(alright alright, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:05, closed)

I wish replies could win. However, if they could, I wouldn't vote for this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 17:29, closed)

I know I shouldn't but, I laughed at that
terrible - just terrible
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 27 Aug 2013, 3:19, closed)

Your wife is unlikely to be gestating a rock inside her uterus

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 20:09, closed)

You can't kill a rock with a baby

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 27 Aug 2013, 3:20, closed)

I had this at the snooker.
Everyone shouted out 'go on John' as Higgins returned to the table, followed by one of the disabled folk letting out a 'mmmmeeeenngh!'.

What followed for the next 20 minutes were me and 2 mates silently shaking with laughter, briefly composing ourselves then one of us setting each other off again.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 17:04, closed)

Totally irreverant
Totally funny, click
(justin(e), Sat 24 Aug 2013, 15:59, closed)