I fancied someone I worked with
and after a night on the lash we had sex.
God it was awful. Everything about it. The noises he made the faces he pulled and the movement was all rigid (think will from the inbetweeners)
After the glorious 30 seconds before I realized I was half naked and saw the used condom on the floor, it hit me and I remembered everything. I pictured my self (and I remember this quite vividly) repeatedly slamming my head against the door. What did I do? Had sex with him again. If I didn't he would realize how badly I regretted it, and would be quite upset. He recently had his fiance walk out on him, been evicted from his house and a cat he loved dearly died. The man couldn't handle anymore shit.
So we did it again, clumsy messy awkward sex. Another fake orgasm. A few days later I made up some shit about my mum having a serious illness. I said I really fancied him and the sex was amazing but I wasn't in the right place to be seeing someone. I should of been honest with him, told him he just didn't have a fucking clue how to please a woman. Since then he just keeps having these brief sexual escapades with woman, and never realizing why they never call back. Every time I think about it I'm riddled with the unpleasant stench of guilt.
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:18, 16 replies)

That's not guilt you can smell - it's your kippery fanny.
Hope this helps x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:23, closed)

urgh :(

(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:25, closed)

Now where do we start with this one?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:23, closed)

ohgodohgodohgod.
i got hideously drunk one night and shagged a housemate who i knew fancied me. the next day we all went out for a pub lunch and he was all over me, so i told him it had been a mistake.

and then i had sex with him again that night. sorry, pete.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:24, closed)

No problem.
Sorry about the AIDS. I guess that makes us quits.

See you at dinnertime!

P

BTW it's your turn to get loo roll, and I used the last of it to dab the pus off my weeping helmet this morning.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:30, closed)

If its weeping
then every time you wank its a cry wank.
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:39, closed)

Are you suggesting there's another kind?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:00, closed)

The smothered in hummus kind.

(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:06, closed)

are you fit?

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 12:54, closed)

I know lots of women who don't fancy me.
How come they're not trying to shag me?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:00, closed)

I did fancy him, big time!
Hes a good looking chap, just awful at coitus. Christ he liked to rub his nipples.
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:07, closed)

since you just referred to sex as 'coitus' i'm going to discount your entire opinion.
and what's wrong with nipples?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:08, closed)

Fair enough.
Also, I'm excellent in bed, so it's clearly a very different situation.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:21, closed)

No doubt, with a name like that ;)

(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:26, closed)

Careful!
One of us is going to invoke the Pandatron, if this keeps up.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:32, closed)

To be fair
If he had a fiancée previously, I think any responsibility for "training" him was with her. And clearly she failed. Or that was how she liked it :S
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Fri 9 Mar 2012, 13:17, closed)