Drugs are bad...mmmmkay..
A couple of mates of mine used to run a club in Sheffield. I say club, but by all accounts it was more like a junta. Fending off gangs who on occasion used to help themselves to champagne, dividing rival gangs, etc.

Keeping the police sweet was one of their major tasks, hence the 'drugs box'. This had to be shown as evidence that they were self policing, though, of course, being 'in the thick of it' they sometimes had to top up the box themselves (cough), or search more thoroughly than usual.

Anyhoo.. the drugs box...a motley collection of mixed pharmaceuticals to keep your karma suitable...wraps, pills, herbs, capsules etc.

A rather big name DJ rolled up and, giving it all the 'I am', demanded free coke. The drugs box was 'consulted', and a wrap extracted. He hoovered the lot. Perhaps though, he should have adopted the 'you can always have more, but you can't take less' maxim..

For on that wrap was written one solitary letter...

"K"

He played the worst set of his life.
(Countryslicker, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 16:02, 29 replies)

I
Like this.
( Trollman, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:27, closed)

MASSIVE DRUGS OMG

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:27, closed)

Have you tried giving out drinks of Yop instead of drugs?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:44, closed)

MASSIVE YOP!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:45, closed)

Fucking love yop, and the fake yops, peach, strawberry, blueberry. All yops are great, even the way you peirce the top bit with your extendable straw.
Fuck being another coked up looser with no sense of personal space, give me a yop any day of the week.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:50, closed)

MASSIVE!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:59, closed)

Yeh', I hate those small ones, yakolt or whatever it's called. It's like buying a 8 pack of single chips.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:08, closed)

You nancy.
Yakult are like the crack of yoghurt drinks. One slug of that bitch and you're like "whoa fuck these bacteria are clearly rebalancing my intestines sheeeee-it!"
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:12, closed)

Exactly, they taste well nice, but I want half a pint of them. They're the strip club of yoghurt drinks, one big yoghurty tease.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:20, closed)

I donno about the whole 'friendly bacteria' thing, if it's true or not, but I do think they taste well nice.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:20, closed)

Dirty junky scum.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:24, closed)

I had far too much yoghurt last night
...I got completely mullered.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:07, closed)

i was the DJ
i know this to be completely the truthiest story i have ever heard/read/been part of.
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:04, closed)

I was the military junta that miraculously resembled a yorkshire nightspot.
And I can also confirm that this post is both coherent and credible.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:10, closed)

i would like to also further credulise this story by adding
that the reason i was able to stay vertical after a gram of ketamine was because only half an hour before i had taken 500 viagra tablets and a pound of high grade uncut columbian cocaine crystals delivered by my personal nurse by means of a specialist enema.
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:12, closed)

You're a proper cunt, Jimmy Saville.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:19, closed)

I was that drug box.
His fingers tickled. D:
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 19:20, closed)

MASSIVE FINGERS!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 19:53, closed)

Classic mistake. Have witnessed this one a few times, always with amusing results..
(anvil, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 19:10, closed)

CLASSIC MASSIVE!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 19:35, closed)

I am Jacks fucked liver.

(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 19:53, closed)

MASSIVE ONIONS!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 23:31, closed)

Danny Rampling tried to buy drugs off a mate of mine.
True story.
(McChinaman banned, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 5:15, closed)

MASSIVE RAMPLING!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 8:14, closed)

I'm not surprised...
...with a load of Potassium up his nose, I'm amazed he didn't explode.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 16:56, closed)

MASSIVE PUNS!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 17:21, closed)

Reminds me of a time
in a little multi-storied sweatbox of a club in Belfast called Vecos. A number of us had already taken some acid and 2 of us walked into the middle floor which was jumping to Chem Bros 'Hey Boy, Hey Girl' . We sat at the only free table over near DJ box and got chattin to some guy at the table. On asking why we looked so fucked he asked if he could buy one of our tabs, takes the acid then tells us hes doing the next set. We looked at each other and started laughin. His set started ok but deteriated into some real dark trancy evil shit. He emptied the dance floor then after 3 tunes, looks at us eyes gone googaloo, puffs out his cheeks and walks away from the decks. priceless.
(Peno Lives In a Coal Bunker, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 9:08, closed)

Who was the DJ?
Come on, we all want to know.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 16:56, closed)

I don't want to know.
Don't you dare ruin an otherwise perfect and perfectly believable anecdote you MASSIVE RUINER.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 17:49, closed)