Table Monners
As an impecunious music student, I and some chums played string quartet gigs for functions, dinners, weddings etc. One rather sumptuous affair had perhaps the godfather of the modern-day bigot as guest-of-honour, the Very Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley.

We were positioned behind, and a little to the right of the top table, and from this discreet vantage point were able to see how this formidable one-man bible-bashing-blitzkrieg conducted himself amongst the genteel.

Looking from left to right along the backs of the honoured guests, my eyes stopped at the area below Dr. Paisley's seat. There was more food down there than there was on his plate. I wondered how was it possible that a man of the pulpit, and whom God, in His infinite wisdom had provided tenfold in the gob department, was able to miss?

A little later whilst playing Tchaikovsky's sensual and supremely peaceful Andante Cantabile from his first string quartet, we heard the great voice itself, booming down the table towards his daughter:

"RHONDA!! ARE YOO GAWNTA EAT THAWT ROLL?... WELL PAUSS IT UPTA YER DAWDDY"
(roysin, Sun 24 Feb 2013, 10:55, 4 replies)

Well, I had to click "like"...
because I am a cellist and seem to spend half my time at weddings every summer. Weird gigs, they are. One time there was a reading from Winnie the Pooh. This woman was standing at the front talking about poo for, like, 10mins, and we were sitting at the front in full view of the guests waiting to play for the signing of the register. None of us kept straight faces and I actually ended up in tears from suppressed laughter. Fail.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sun 24 Feb 2013, 11:56, closed)

This one?
"Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me."
( Ghoti Fingers, Sun 24 Feb 2013, 12:06, closed)

And you didn't even fwow up?
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 10:02, closed)

May be an Irish trait...
I once went to the wedding of a one time girlfriend whose family were exceedingly Hoirish. Lovely people and a great wedding, but during the meal, you could often hear the like of "Bejaze, Auntie Kat'leen, will you not be eatin' that potaaaato you've got left on your plate" and forks descending upon plates not in front of the fork wielder. I actually saw one carrot manage to travel half way down a long table, being transported from plate to plate.

In fact, having heard the horrendous statistic that 30% of food in the UK is thrown away, we could do with being a little less reticent about eating other people's leftovers. I know it doesn't bother me!
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Sun 24 Feb 2013, 18:21, closed)

"we could do with being a little less reticent about eating other people's leftovers"
is that a reference to felching?
( Ghoti Fingers, Sun 24 Feb 2013, 19:43, closed)