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This is a question LOL Bigots

Freddie Woo says: "A bloke who lived next door to my mum told me on the day Diana died that it was 'God's punishment for sleeping with an Arab'". Tell us stories of bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes and loud-mouths so that we may point and laugh

(, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:03)
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In my last job, I worked as part of a diverse team, nearly all of whom apparently listed among their hobbies "failing to get on with my diverse team". One day, I was working in a small office with the following (names have been changed to protect the idiots):

Beryl - a 60-something year old woman, very forthright in her own views, intolerant of everyone else's, easily offended, all "hidden" behind a paper-thin veneer of friendliness. Definitely fits the definition of 'bigot', but would be horrified if you called her on it.
Nareeta - a 20-something Indian girl, quite funny, a bit touchy, but who I got on well with for the most part. Not very good at biting her tongue. Just as much a bigot as Beryl, really.
Lenny - a 50-something chap, friendly, funny and sometimes a little shy.
Me - no biography necessary.

There we were, all working away, with a little bit of chat between Nareeta & I. The conversation turned to Christmas and I asked Nareeta if she celebrated it.
"Yeah, most of them do" chipped in Beryl. Hmmm, this could be tricky. I saw Nareeta freeze to my right, and heard Lenny inhale behind me.
What seemed like an eternity passed. Finally, Nareeta broke the silence.
"What do you mean, 'most of them do'?" she enquired, frostily.
Without looking up, Beryl replied "Well, most people of ethnic origin that I've worked with".
Lenny and I remained frozen, wondering which way this was going to go. Nareeta resumed working; Beryl continued working. Slightly (but not completely) relieved, I turned my attention back to my computer.
After another few minutes of an atmosphere so palpable I could barely breathe, Nareeta threw her pen down and turned to Beryl.
"No, I'm sorry" she said "I still can't get my head round what you meant by what you just said”
Beryl spluttered, stammered, managed to get out “Oh, I don’t know!” and left the room hurriedly.
Honestly, you’ve never felt an atmosphere like this. Nareeta turned back to her computer screen & I pretended to do the same, but something had to be done to relieve the tension. I clapped my hands together and stood up.
“Right, I think I’m going to go and masturbate!” I proclaimed loudly
“Yeah” piped up Lenny “I’ll join you!”
I can’t actually remember what happened after that. I don’t think we did masturbate; I’m pretty sure that would have stuck in my mind.

Beryl did get suspended though, while Nareeta’s complaint was investigated. Once it was all over and Beryl was allowed back to work, she went off sick with stress and depression, prompting Nareeta to proclaim in the office one Monday morning “I saw Beryl at the weekend. She didn’t look very depressed, she was even smiling!”.

Nightmare place, I’m so glad I’m out of it…
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 15:22, 15 replies)
OMG line breaks O_o
*ninja edits*
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 15:25, closed)
I dunno, communal masturbation during a working day doesn't sound that bad

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 15:26, closed)
If you've ever worked nights,
It becomes essential.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 21:40, closed)
Sometimes the workplace can seem like a jungle
Trying to curry favour can work, you just have to find chinks in peoples' armour. Was she taking the mick, or just being niggardly?
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 16:05, closed)
Hmmm. I'm not sure how the word "niggardly" works in this context.
It's employment could be construed perhaps as desperate deployment of a pun without enough consideration for actual racist undertones.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 16:29, closed)
*awards the runner-up prize*

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 16:31, closed)

What? Even with that "it's"?
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 18:43, closed)
Vagabond has always struggled with "its" and "it's".

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 21:43, closed)
/\ nice pair

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 21:53, closed)
I actually hadn't even noticed that.
Which makes my award WORTHLESS.

*cancels entire ceremony*

*melts down awards and makes earrings*
(, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 9:36, closed)
A fine
answer, by golly.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 16:59, closed)
*invites to presentation ceremony*

(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 17:01, closed)
*awards the Professor Kenny Martin Higher National Language Skills medal*
*high fives*
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 16:31, closed)
People Like Us, in my ears, means Midlanders.
I try not to take it as an insult, but to the Northerners I'll be 'one of them soft Southern Shites' and to the Southerners I'll be 'Fakkin Norverners, innit?'.
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 18:30, closed)
You utter
(, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 22:11, closed)

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