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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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In the course of my work I have had to deal with both 'The Great Suprendo' and 'Ian Beale'.
It dunt get more horrible than that, I swear down.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:47, 13 replies)
I felt sorry for Adam Woodyatt for a bit
because he plays such a hopeless tosser on screen people might project those traits unfairly on to him

then I found out he really was a hopeless tosser so suck it up you twat

(mind you he's better off than I am by being a hopeless tosser for 20 odd years so maybe he's doing something right..the cunt)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:22, closed)
He's a whiny prick.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:24, closed)
Although it's totes not cool to agree with you, cunto...

However, I saw Adam Woodyatt a couple of times in a department store in Leamington Spa some years ago, and he was indeed a whiny prick. He actually used the 'Do you know who I am?' line.
(I helped save b3ta! Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 6 Sep 2013, 15:18, closed)
He expected a discount from me because he was THE Adam Woodyatt.
The actual one.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 16:08, closed)

I bet you'd give Steve McDonald one.
(I helped save b3ta! Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 17:06, closed)
Yeah well maybe I would, what of it?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 17:46, closed)


(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 7 Sep 2013, 11:38, closed)
I've shared a jacuzzi with the great suprendo and Victoria Woods.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:37, closed)
That's a harrowing tale. U ok hun xx

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:51, closed)
It's taken a quarter of a century but I think I've finally come to terms with it.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:53, closed)
How many 1000s of litres was this jacuzzi?

(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 15:37, closed)
Once they'd got in? About 3 litres.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 15:38, closed)
Bosh. Fat joke.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 16:30, closed)

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