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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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Train spottin
Many many year ago (before health n safety - THAT long ago) my big tough hairy british biker cum hells angel mate was working as a ganger on the tracks close to Gatwank airport.

Well everybody loved this tough guy so much that they had a chat with the engine driver of the ballast train

He steamed down the tracks at 10mph and switched his engine off at Horley station, about 3 miles up track.

Now theres a lot of noise what with hammering and power tools etc, so we kept him busy looking DOWN track and making the noise...

Then this Huge fucking ballast train comes up behind him, still moving and then sounds its horn.

Its good thing those bikers wore 2 pairs of jeans.. e had to take the afternoon off. We laughed till we cried, we were nasty buggers.
(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 14:58, 6 replies)
Did they have hells angels in the 1830s?

(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 15:01, closed)
ooooh a pedant, or is that pederast?

(, Sat 7 Sep 2013, 16:17, closed)
I did a similar thing, if on a somewhat smaller scale...
Many years ago in my work car park. My mate was idly walking along, oblivious to anything as I drove out, so I turned the engine off and coasted up behind him, sounding my horn when a couple of feet away.

Although it had the desired effect of making him shit himself as he turned round, I hadn't really thought out the "stopping with no brake servo assist" thing, and quite nearly ran him over.
(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 15:49, closed)
Hahahaha, yup, done that!
I did remember to yank the handbrake though.
(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 20:04, closed)
Bloody EXCELLENT railway pranking.
Pity there isn't a video. Except that you'd all get fired.
(, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 20:05, closed)
Heads n mails
Well your mate can probably tell you that there is STILL a missing head from a suicide on that same bit of track (earlswood to gatwick) not much left after jumping in front of the early morning mail express to London. (true story)
(, Sat 7 Sep 2013, 16:23, closed)

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