The Phantom Crapper ...
Fucksocks' story of the Phantom Shitter dredged 'The Phantom Crapper' from my subconscious....a slight variation on a familiar theme.
Back in the '70s during one summer RD worked in a large corporate HQ close to London with someone who later a B-list musician, producer and DJ. Usual stuff from back then... deliver this to that floor, count that, check this for 8 weeks for a pound-an-hour.
B-lister came back from the toilets and said 'Go an' 'ave a shifty in cubicle 3!" which I did. I've never seen anything like it, before or since. A hard tar-black turd about 18" long and about 4" in diameter sitting up proudly in the bowl at an angle of about 70° like a surface-to-air missile. No attempt to smash it up or flush it away had been made and nor did I attempt a demolition job and we left it for the cleaners.
The Phantom Crapper struck more or less weekly, Wednesdays or Thursdays as I recall. Always the same M.O but on various floors of the giant building. I never found out who it was and never returned to the summer job. Weird shit, Grayson Perry would have been proud of it but was it Art?
(Roger Darce sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 18:56, 3 replies)

I think Ken worked with you before be worked with me.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 19:16, closed)

...if it was a one-off it might have been someone who had a barium enema for ulcerative colitis
and let it go after it had set after the appointment.

I have seen such terrible sights at work as well and I assume that someone has a lot of undigested fibre in their diet, which swells up in the pan when there's enough water to hydrate it.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sun 8 Sep 2013, 22:59, closed)

Outstanding
love the thought of the surface to air missile.
(wino.NZ The Ayatollah of rock n' rolla..., Mon 9 Sep 2013, 9:34, closed)