This morning...
at approximately 4 o'clock, My mrs woke me because my car alarm was going off..
dressing gown and slippers on I ventured into the cold,
My car alarm was indeed going off, but so was my horn... constantly..
I checked my passenger door (closest to me) to find it unlocked and I was met with the strongest Beery smell i've ever sniffed...

It was coming from the little scrote who had fallen asleep against my steering wheel, hence the horn!

Hindsight says i should've left him and called the police, instead i woke him with a "What the fuck are you doing in my car"
he dived out of the drivers side asking me if I'd "phoned an ambulance"
I told him that I was about to call the police and he staggered off up the road..

tired, cold and confused I thought to myself, I'll sort this in the morning..

Turns out the fucker had tired himself out by ripping my steering column apart, and severing every wire he could, in a shitty pissed up hotwiring attempt..

I'll laugh about this one day.. (but not until i've paid £600 excess and lost 2 years no claims that is... not til then!)
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 18:49, 22 replies)

you should've fucked him up.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 21:12, closed)

Should've Honda'd his accord, with a samurai sword.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 23:54, closed)

but i had run out of
massive drugs :(
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:08, closed)

up
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 0:08, closed)

I'm laughing at you.
Thanks for that.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 1:38, closed)

Errrr
Why not just pay £600 to get it fixed, bit of electrical work and a new casing can't cost that much.
Unless you drive an Aston Martin or something, in which case I have no sympathy for you.
(Figmaus, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 3:14, closed)

I too thought that.
Couple of weeks ago I got my toolbox nicked out of the back of my ute.
$400 later I've got pretty much everything I had (apart from some sentimentality towards some tools). My excess would've been about $300.
Dan may well find an auto-sparky who could do it for less than 600 pounds.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 3:55, closed)

Sorry, did you just say 'sentimentality towards some tools'?
Are you quite well?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 8:33, closed)

quite well
incapable of forming meaningful relationships with other human beings
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 13:23, closed)

Apart from on OKCupid.
Right?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:43, closed)

It's so much easier
when you just insult yourself.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 19:49, closed)

Enjoy your obsolescence.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 20:38, closed)

:(
I should have taken Player Piano more seriously.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 22:10, closed)

Some of the tools that were stolen from me had sentimental value. (Given to me by family, friends etc.)
Thus the tools that I bought to replace them have no sentimental value.

The fact that I have to explain that concerns me a little.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:43, closed)

Some people won't get it.
So I'll couch it in terms that they'll understand...

This is your father's angle grinder. An elegant weapon for a more civilised age.


Try that.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 19:31, closed)

you may be right..
but there was damage to the steering column etc.. I don't drive an Aston.. I wouldn't mind it's a shitty old megane (he must've been confused that there was no ignition keyhole though!!)

I would've done it without my insurance, the policefella reckoned there was easily a grands worth of damage, so im assuming it'll be written off!

(I hope so cos' I am skint and paying for the repair will kick me in the spuds!)
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:04, closed)

So you caught a criminal red-handed and unconscious
and he STILL managed to get away?

You fucking spastic.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:10, closed)

i am a spastic!
*belms
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:07, closed)

maybe 'tis the season
but i'd have still hoofed him right in his fucking steering column
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:06, closed)

well.. yeah...
i was in my dressing gown, and slippers... and i'm a soft fucker who hasn't been in any sort of physical fracas since my school days over 20 years ago!
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:07, closed)

You still could have...
Had his face meet the steering column several times with just a tad of force, then pulled his semi-conscious form half out of the drivers side door and forcefully tried to close the door while his head was in the way.

The police of course would have realised this was obviously done while said scrote was gaining access and most likely had a whip round down at the station for your damages.
( snee held his breath since, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:52, closed)

haha..
whenever i tell anyone about this now.. i'm going to pretend thats what happened.. :D
( DanGleeballs Moist people don't notice spelling errors..., Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:04, closed)