False Economy
this is gonna generate some hate and disgust.

i had, for some years, had a problem with ingrowing toenails. both big toes suddenly made the executive decision that down was the new forwards, and off they went, causing me undue pain and torment.
i'd had em removed before, lefty one time, righty twice. buggers just got worse.
so eventually finding myself in a job where i'd get paid for the week or two i'd be unable to come in due to bigass bandages, i opted to get em done for good.
the procedure is NOT a fun one. especally if you're resistant to anaeshtetic like me. THANKFULLY on this occasion, the nurse listened, and after some prodding, explained i had unusual nerve layout in my toes meaning i had essentially an extra nerve. they then compression tape your toe to get the blood out, ram somethign akin to a tiny devil's pitchfork under your toenail, prise it off, sever the root, and then slather the nail bed in phenolic acid. woo yay fun times!
once this is done and rinsed, in theory, there will be six to eight weeks of walking about with an open chemical burn on a nail bed (it's EXACTLY as comfortable as it sounds)changing dressinngs that are stuck to aforementioned raw nail bed, and soaking in saline solution. oooh, fun-filled times ahead.
on leaving, i raised the issue of infection- as they were swollen and infected when i came in, i questioned whether should be given antibiotics as well as pain relief, only to be told it was unneccesary and the body would heal itself.

so after a couple of days of pain, and swelling, i became concerned. after a couple more days of pain and swelling, i was woken in the night by agonising throbbing pain, and upon removing my bandages, discovered these beauties:
i133.photobucket.com/albums/q47/gonecompletelysideways/fun%20stuff/fuckedtoes.jpg" /

they smelt like out of date steak, and took weeks to heal.
thankfully now i'm devoid of pointless big toenails, and the others are shit right up so they're behaving, lest they get slash and burned.

sorry if you're eating btw. especially if you're eating microwave deep dish pizza or a lasagne ready meal.

so in future, nurses, take note. if something is ALREADY fuckin infected, sod your damn targets and guidelines, gimme some feckin penicillin so i don't end up with creepy, undead toes.

length? when they pulled the nail off, it was nearly 25% submerged each side, so near double the width it should be.

EDIT: image linkified for the weak of stomach. happy?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:26, 5 replies)

I had mine operated on, several times in my youth
never took the whole things off, and now I am left with two nails, both something like Twoface from batman. half is perfectly normal, and the other half curves over so grows forward, but at a vertical alignment rather than horizontal.

I have taken the home surgery approach whereby every few months I take a knife, some scissors, tweezers and finally pliers to the toenails.

lovely stuff. the upside is that my big toes are now basically immune to pain.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:32, closed)

Same here.
I completely sympathise. Had both mine removed aged around seventeen. I know what you mean about the smell and the hassle of bathing 'em in boiled salty water morning and evening. (but for pity's sake keep them clean!) - but it's not a false economy, it's just that apparently antibiotics rarely work on this sort of nasty thing, minor surgery is pretty much the only way to sort it out.

And God help you if you stub your toe in the next few weeks / months!

Incidentally, both my big toenails have now decided they prefer to grow up instead of along. As in, up, towards my head. Not back along my foot to the heel, but at right angles to the toe. I'm told this is quite common. What it practically means is that when I cut all my other nails, I file the two big toenails back down to end-on curves of nail stuff and try to avoid cutting my toes at the same time.

Also worth noting is that not having toe nails to keep my big toes their usual length, they've kind of shrunk a bit, so I take a size smaller in shoes now (thirteen years later).

In short, I sympathise.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:42, closed)

i dropped a half size too!
weird.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:44, closed)

One bacon buttie
You owe me.

Put me right off my food...

...probably for the next six years or so.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:02, closed)

offset it against the amount of tea i've sprayed through my nose at your posts
wait, no, i was thinking of someone funnier :D
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:45, closed)

Put it in a link for fucks sake

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:23, closed)

At this point..
"ram somethign akin to a tiny devil's pitchfork under your toenail, prise it off" I felt a slight stabbing pain in the side of my ribs as my stomach whinced in sympathetic agony.

You poor love.

btw... Yu have "hanging bastard" feet.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:42, closed)

well, they're not like it any more
now they're just a bit chubby with nekkid toes.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:59, closed)

I had this done at 15
Because every game of football ended in boots full of blood and socks that looked like they could walk by themselves.

I had it done with local anaesthetic at the Dr - and after injecting each big toe about 5 times (I guess I am immune to it as well) he began ripping them out - only I could still feel everything.

My Mum turned green and asked if he might want to wait a bit longer for the injections to work..."No Galahad's Mum" he replied..it'll be fine.

So I did my best not to faint for the next 20 minutes as he hacked and pulled.

Only they grew back, and I now also practise self surgery - some nail scissors and some antiseptic and away we go!
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 17:17, closed)