I make "stuff" for part of my living
Yesterday I got a request from a chap on the other side of the pond asking if I would build him one of these.

www.google.com/patents/US20060071122?printsec=description#v=onepage&q&f=true
(short story, it's a teleporter)

Having read through the patent I'm pretty sure the originator is messing with the heads of the entire US patent service.
He's certainly making my brain hurt.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:10, 11 replies)

That's a beautifully crafted bit of scientifish gobblediwank.
There's nothing in the rules for patents that prevents them from being utterly impractical nonsense. They just have to be novel and non-obvious. Which that absolutely is.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:31, closed)

Aye
It's the bit where the originator describes, very clearly, a brief episode of short term memory loss and concludes that since he can't remember walking the last 50 odd yards he must have been teleported.

That struck me as not being even slightly obvious...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:36, closed)

He's leapt into my top five fruitloops list.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 17:49, closed)

Novel, non obvious,
And industrially applicable (or some similar term). The last one means you can't patent something that doesn't work (in the EU at least, not sure about the US), or that only works for a specific person (e.g. Method for getting my cat tibbles down from the tree in my neighbour's back garden).

*is applying for jobs at patent attorneys*
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Sun 15 Jan 2012, 19:01, closed)

What he said.
The fact that it's patented doesn't mean that it works.

Apparently some scammers patent their pseudo-scientific product for this very reason.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:34, closed)

Having just read a few sentences of that patent
I'm guessing someone or something has been severely messing with this chap's brains for many years now.

Are you going to try and build him the equipment?
(SimianKid internet faffer, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:35, closed)

Not even slightly.
The guy who wants it built isn't the patent holder for a start
(at least I'm pretty sure he isn't)
He's also vastly overestimated my power of building things, I make small intricate mechanical props for stage and screen.
No way I'm set up to deal with a pair of large granite obelisks and the attendant nonsense.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:44, closed)

instant teleportation
just give him something that makes him sneeze.
( sutit only the crumbliest, flakiest posts, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 18:10, closed)

"I wasn't looking where I was going,
and have thus discovered a teleporter. Naturally, I have complemented my patent with a series of ridiculous drawings, to distract from the fact that my teleporter is nothing more than the act of walking in a straight line, whilst not looking where I am going."

I'm in.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 22:49, closed)

It requires you to go faster than light at step 4. It wont work
(Daoloth, Sat 14 Jan 2012, 1:43, closed)

is it an Apple patent?

(ubergeekian, Sat 14 Jan 2012, 22:16, closed)