from Nerds Gone Wild magazine.
itunes killed mixtapes

A girl in high school held a contest to win the privilege to take her on a date. All you had to do was make the best mixtape. My musical taste is legendary. When people mention Edmonton, I am the first thing that comes up. “Oh, Edmonton! The home of that kid who listens to the rad music,” to which the resident smiles and calls me an inspiration to all. But enough. The point is that to receive a mixtape from me is like being given a Christmas gift from Jesus.

I went right down to work making the best mixtape that has ever been listened to, because not only do I have a reputation to uphold, but, if I were to win the date, there was also a slim chance that I would get laid.

I started the mixtape with Boy’s Life “Cloudy and 4 ” — a song that starts quietly and builds up to its conclusion. It’s a song that grabs you by the throat and screams, “You! Listen up! We’re serious here.”

I followed the mixtape science to a “T”. I started with something to grab the attention, followed by something that that said, “While this is serious, we’re really here for a good time.” Drop the tempo here, raise it there, build it up like a monument. And at the end of the ninety minutes, top it off with something huge that smiles and waves and says, “So long and thanks for the memories,” and makes the listener want to relive the ride again and again, much like a water slide. This is all to point out that aside from hours spent in front of the CD player — playing, pausing, recording, stopping, rewinding and re-recording — there was a lot of thought involved too.

When it was finally done, I had created the Picasso of re-recorded music. It was the musical equivalent of the best sex you have ever had. I handed in my tape on the last allowed day. I hadn’t left my home in days, and when I finally made an appearance at school to hand it in, my closest friends no longer recognised me. BUT THAT IS WHAT PASSION DOES TO YOU.

I was at my locker with the tape in my hand, and was pep-talking myself into giving it to her. I mustered up the courage and walked towards her locker. The students stepped to the sides of the hall as I walked past, much like Moses parting the Red Sea. I got to her locker and the student body let out a collective sigh as I handed her my tape. She smiled as she took it and said “I was hoping you would give me one.” (Actual emphasis on the word “you”.) I thought about where I would take her on our date. She said that she will send out a group email to alert us of the victor. I thought that public humiliation was wrong, but I was never against showing my musical superiority to anyone.

A few days later it arrived in my inbox. I opened it, and well, whatever, I lost. AND THIS IS HOW THE MOTHERFUCKER DID IT. First, he did his research and found out what she liked. Then he went to iTunes, downloaded her 30 favourite songs by her 30 favourite bands and burnt them to two 45 minute blank CDRs. He took the first disc and recorded “side A”. While it was recording, he went on the internet and researched veganism to impress the cute vegan girl who just transfered into our school. When “side A” was done, he then put in disc 2, or “side B”, and hit record. While “side B” was recording, he read up on communism to impress the cute girl in the army hat in our science class.

The point is this: iTunes, combined with the technology of the burner, has forever ruined the sentiment of giving a girl you like a mixtape. The hours spent in front of the CD player has turned into ten quick minutes in front of a computer and a half dozen mouse clicks.

The internet has ruined everything actually interesting about any given person. Give me the night, and I could hold the world’s greatest amount of information on the steam engine. Give me five minutes, two minutes, and I can tell you many interesting tidbits on taxidermy. (This would only be exciting if you are a large fan of the industrial revolution, or if you think that stuffing and mounting dead animals is the bees knees — which, incidentally, cannot be stuffed nor mounted. There is your interesting fact.) I believe that some things should be kept sacred. Anyone can make you a CD of their favourite songs, just as anyone can make you a tape with the same. The real difference is effort. You can make the argument that technology has made everything more time efficient and, therefore, better. But let’s paint a picture. You are dating a boy. He invites you over for dinner, and for the sake of this example, you accept. You spend the afternoon picking out the right outfit and making yourself look proper. You go over to his house, and he welcomes you with a kiss and tells you that you look lovely. You follow him into the kitchen, where candles are lit. He goes into the other room to retrieve the food, and brings out a bucket of fried chicken. In the words of The Magnetic Fields, “How fucking romantic.” Sure, the sentiment is there, but the candle light KFC is to a romantic night with a loved one as the burnt disc is to romantic gifts for a loved one — rather unacceptable.

IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN MAKING YOUR MIXTAPE:

1 Remember that your mixtape is practically a letter to whomever you are making the tape for. You only have as much room as the tape allows, and you must say what you want to say before it runs out. Imagine that you are Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta and you are trying desperately you scrawl your political ideas on a shitty piece of toilet paper before the thought police (or whatever they are called — muscles? eyes? nose? loin?) return and both your ideas and your shitty toilet paper are contraband. The point is, you only have so much time. Use it wisely.

2 In the spirt of this letter writing analogy, your first song is your opening statement. Pick your opening song wisely. The first song on either side sets the mood for the rest of the side.

3 No artist can be represented on any tape more than once. It’s the mixtape equivalent faux pas of going to a Pearl Jam concert wearing your Pearl Jam concert shirt and a Vitology hat. It’s not illegal, but Jesus Christ, it should be.

4 If side A ends and you’re in the middle of song, tough cookies. You’re going back and doing it again. You are not permitted to record the remainder of the song at the start of the next side. Nor are you allowed to leave three minutes of silence at the end of any side.

5 Don’t throw X amount of songs onto a tape and call it a day. There has to be flow. once you have discovered the flow, the tape will make itself. (Note: you will still have to pick the songs, set up the tape, hit play, hit record and pause. But other than that, the tape will basically make itself.)

6 A good mixtape is like a mountain. It builds to a peak. And you, being a good mountaineer, must climb and climb and climb till you find that peak. The only real difference between a mix tape and a mountain is that you could very well die on a mountain.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 8 Feb 2008, 14:51, 2 replies)

thank you
that advice is timeless. My days are now filled with purpose.

*starts working on tape of rare bagpipe music for one particularly lucky fella*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 8 Feb 2008, 14:59, closed)

Sod that.
The itunes thing will only work with people who like poor music.

Also, a new millenium professional would make the "tape" (.mp3/cdr) live mixing it in ableton or traktor.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Feb 2008, 15:23, closed)