Tenuous
.
Well Tourette's did make me mix tape once. It was the Macc Lads plus a local legend called Biff. So, using that as a hook I'll tell you how I met Tourettes and her other half, Davros.

It was a Sunday afternoon a few years ago and I was having a few Sunday afternoon drinks with my then GF. GF was a nice lass when sober but, when pissed (most of the time) she could be downright dangerous. Anyway, so there we were in a wee pub listening to the finger-in-ear folkies play their fiddles and sing incomprehensible songs about how good the old days were.

The place was packed which was usual for a Sunday afternoon but we'd managed to get a seat near the diddly-diddly's as we called them. We were having a good time and many pints were quaffed. Then, a couple of randoms who were sharing our table left and another couple hove into view. With a dog.

Now it's difficult to exactly describe Davros and the Sweary One as they don't fit into any convenient stereotypes. She's kind of Mediterranean with a distinctly mad glint to her eyes and a laugh that can smash glasses. Davros is tall and looks skinny but actually has a beer belly only, for some reason, your mind doesn't register it. He's also the only guy I know who can where a frilly dress shirt without looking either Gay or a cunt.

And so they joined us at our table. GF was well pissed by this time and started slobbering over their dog. The dog's called "Milly" but it's real name is Mildew and is usually referred to as Spakadog by Tourettes. As GF was slobbering over the dog, that kind of broke the ice between us and we were soon chatting away like we'd known each other for ever.And we soon found out that we had something else in common, a love for the sickest, most vile jokes in the world. With us together, it was Sickepedia incarnate.

So the four of us got drunk. Tourettes and Davros told us their First Date story (which is a belter but deserves to be told in it's own QOTW) and we told them how we met. (She was the GF of the best man at my wedding. Don't ask.)

Anyway, after about an hour, GF piped up that they simply must come up to my place up in the sticks and have a night out in my village. We'd do dinner and then we could go out on the piss together. Seeing that we'd only met about an hour a go this invite was a wee bit presumptuous and I could see Tourtettes looking slightly uneasy. But they accepted anyway and mobile numbers and addresses were exchanged and we would meet up the following week. And so the drunken afternoon came to an end.

To cut a long story short (don't want to bore you) Tourettes and Davros eventually made it my place (over two hours late as Tourettes would be late to her own funeral) and we settled thme in with theor sleeping stuff and lashings of beer that they'd kindly brought.

Now what I didn't know at the time (but they told me later) was that Mike had been checking out the living room for things like car-keys in a bowl or any evidence that we were swingers and Tourettes had checked out the fridge for packets of blood or evidence that were vampires.

Yup. After we'd left them the previous week they'd discussed the invite and decided that we were either swingers or vampires.

Still. It all turned out nice in the end and we ended up good mates.

Oh. And Tourettes had a shouty at some bloke in my local. She said:

"Will you keep your fucking eyes off my tits you disgusting pervert!!"


Told he it was a tenuous link to the question...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 10:12, 10 replies)

"....GF of the best man at my wedding...."
".....don't ask???" That was the best bit!
(dadadali has hybrid vigour, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 12:47, closed)

Tenuous but interesting
It's nice to find out how people got to know each other.
( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 14:40, closed)

Yep, I remember GF's signature dish....
COCK au vin!!!!
Cock means the same as willy only it doesn't make me laugh as HARD
*sniggers like a 10-year old*
Also remember Mildew wearing her best Saturday Night collar for the occasion - then locking herself in the gents several times..
And running off with the cue ball...
Ah, happy days. I miss them xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 17:47, closed)

Tall?
I have been called many things in my time (including, ironically but mistakenly, a gay cunt), but tall has never been one of them...

Oh, and as for not registering the beer belly... posture, dear boy, posture
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 10 Feb 2008, 19:44, closed)

p.s.
Love the descriptions of us btw! Spot on.*
And the sickepedia incarnate.
I laughed HARD, just like you said wot I do...
See the shattered wine glass... :o)

*except we've both put weight on since we last saw you - DG reckons it's my Good Greek cooking. Speaking of which I think they have the best expression for gaining flab:
they point to your expanding waistline, often with giggles, and remark, "I see you made kilos"...
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 20:30, closed)

p.p.s. ^
Just remembered something else regarding tits:

Legless: "Tourettes, have you ever tried rubbing bog-roll on your tits?"

Tourettes: (looks puzzled) "No, as it happens, I can't say I ever have... Why on earth would I want to do that???"

Legless: "To make them bigger" (perfectly straight-faced)

Tourettes: (fucking gullible as always) "Really??? Would that really make a difference???"

Legless: "Just take a look at your arse - it certainly worked there!"
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 10:56, closed)

^pps
Is it just me or does everyone read p.p.s as pee pees and giggle?
(oeb, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 13:14, closed)

^^
Now that you mention it...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 11 Feb 2008, 13:51, closed)

^ actually
when I see the first letter of pretty much any word, I tend to think of a rude/swear word beginning with the same letter. So for p.p.s. I would read PENIS-PHALLUS-SCROTUM

*collapses into uncontrollable giggling fit*

Or how about having to tell someone your postcode over the phone...
"Is that Q B for Quebec / Brava?"
"Oh no", I reply, "it's for QUIM and BOLLOCKS!"
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 15:46, closed)

^ Penis. Paps .Pubic-hair. Scrotum.
Am making up a poem about willies :o)
*chortle snik woop*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 18:13, closed)