Having worked in a library
Quite often we'd get kids do the whole Trigger Happy TV thing of screaming "HELLO!" into their phones. I find repeating pranks pulled on TV to be about as funny as ear cancer.

It always got bad in the summer, to the point you knew where it was coming and you'd assume a start position to chase the little turd rapers out of the building. One kid was particularly persistent, and doubly as obnoxious when we threw him out.

One day he was sat at a computer next to an exceptionally large Dutch backpacker. Sure enough, there was the ringtone, the hello, and the jump-and-sprint. However, like a Brown Bear swiping at a salmon in an Alaskan stream, this backpacker plucked the little foreskin out of mid air and slammed him on my desk by his forehead. In a voice much, much louder than this child, he bellowed "MY FRIEND! I WILL ASS FUCK YOU!". I'm pretty sure the kid managed to poo his own heart out.

If I were a professional, I probably should have called the police or asked the large man to leave, but I was so busy laughing I'd snorted a giant bogey into my moustache, which made looking and sounding authoritative completely impossible. Oh well.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 16:09, 8 replies)

Awesome.
Have a click for "the kid managed to poo his own heart out".
And another for "turd rapers".
What the hell, have a third for owning a moustache.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 16:20, closed)

So much clickage deserved
That is all.
( Dave McF wrote some words on, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 17:01, closed)

^
Said it all
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 20:44, closed)

moustache
oh dear


oh





dear
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 13:27, closed)

Well, that did make me chuckle
For one, starting off the threat of rape with 'My friend,' and also...

You have a moustache.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 10:54, closed)

Was going to comment on the moustache...
...but it seems to have already been covered fairly comprehensively.

Have a *click* and, maybe, a shave
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 7:55, closed)

you guys all realise that a moustache can be part of a beard right?
so he doesn't necessarily just have a moustache
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 14:19, closed)

It's a fair point
I'd like clarification
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 1:50, closed)