Hidden Naplam
Christmas 2013, a kind guest of ours brought us lots of delicious treats for our Christmas feast, including a Waitrose/Heston "Hidden Orange" Christmas Pudding.

I was the only person in the house that wanted some, so on Boxing Day, I cut off a slice, and followed the instructions on the back of the box to warn it up in the microwave. The box said to heat it for seven minutes, so I had time to wander off and do something else more productive, so I did.

Five minutes later, my poo was rudely interrupted with the manic screeching of the smoke alarms. There was a faint smell burning. I leapt up and ran down the stairs to find the ground floor with thick smoke filling up the top half of the kitchen, living room and hall.

Genuinely concerned now, I opened the front door to take the edge of the smoke I took a gulf of fresh air and dived into the grey cloud and made my way to the kitchen, where the microwave was now popping and spitting, with copious amounts of grey smoke billowing from every vent.

With the help of my New Zealand Rugby oven gloves, I pulled out the plate of carbon from the microwave and took it to the garden. Heston’s hidden orange was glowing like lava in the centre of the plate, which shattered on contact with the patio. Seeing that, I opined that Heston’s “Hidden Napalm” Christmas Pubbing would have been a more appropriate name.

Now, over two years later, the microwave still smells of Heston’s seasonal dessert. I am no longer trusted near puddings.
(lardaholics anonymous, Fri 30 Jan 2015, 17:27, 4 replies)

I am also not trusted near puddings, but for entirely different reasons.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 30 Jan 2015, 18:15, closed)

Puddings in general, or apple pies in particular?
(BeatsWork, Sun 1 Feb 2015, 0:18, closed)

^too thick to work a microwave

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 1 Feb 2015, 12:08, closed)

Are you sure it wasn't Hidden Agent Orange?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 1 Feb 2015, 17:29, closed)