Taking a page out of Humpty's book... Sort of.
I've just got home.

It's 5.20 in the morning. There's a naked bird who looks like Jennifer Lawrence in my bed.

Neither of us are drunk. We spent the best part of three hours cooking, talking, cuddling and shagging.

She's the best thing in my life at the moment

Why?

Because, as you read this she is sitting upright in bed wearing nothing but one of my T-shirts, smoking and proofreading this post.

Ever since I met her, I've been sober. Which speaks volumes.

Sorry if this post is a bit off topic :)
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 4:23, 20 replies)

Why do you need to compare your lady friend to some recently famous starlet?
My wife of 15 or is it 16 years looks exactly like - herself. & she's fucking luscious. She's not naked in bed "at the moment" but she is doing some crafts with our daughter (who is the most beautiful looking thing I have ever seen Hands down).
It's beer o'clock here, I'm drinking. Cheers.
EDIT: altho I sometimes send the missus links from here I don't think letting your (even new) partner "proof read" - read censor/edit your posts on any site is a good idea. Ever.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 28 Apr 2012, 6:47, closed)

Your wife is 15 or 16?
Good grief, how old was she when you had the kid?
(ubergeekian, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 7:53, closed)

Yur reeding skillz r xelent.
"of"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 28 Apr 2012, 7:58, closed)

Writing skills, my dear fellow.
My cat of 16 years needs a claw trim next week.
(ubergeekian, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 16:44, closed)

I like "at the moment"
It nicely emphasizes the transient nature of human existence.
(ubergeekian, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 7:54, closed)

It suggest that..
Next week the best thing in his life could be Weetabix, that must make her feel special.

She's obviously not bothered though, she did proof read his post after all.
(repooc, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 8:34, closed)

Now seriously for a moment.
Kudos to Tiktock for going dry. I've done it for a while... & that's why I'm enjoying a few beers this arvo. Moderation is your friend.
It sounds a little like he's "people pleasing" atm (all the former AA alumni give me a "Heya").
Ticktok - unless you get the DT's walking down the road to get some cigs (if that's the case you may have some bigger issues) then don't change yourself for her. Change yourself because you want to. For good or bad.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 28 Apr 2012, 8:52, closed)

Maybe
she's waiting for someone better to turn up too. I'm guessing that one or other of them isn't much of a shag.
(ubergeekian, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 16:46, closed)

Riiiiiiiiggght.
You've got a naked woman in your bed, so you're on the internet.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 10:43, closed)

realdoll or corpse?
too close to call, I reckon.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 10:50, closed)

Shh with the corpse stuff.
You'll get AB going on one of his "Ring Of Fire" dobbed me in too my boss tanties.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 29 Apr 2012, 6:58, closed)

Bless yer, it's like you're upset about mild piss-taking, online and did something massively, pathetically disproportionate that was laughed out of the sister's office in response.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 21:22, closed)

And also, why are you referring to yourself in the third person?
'Twattery' was WEEKS ago.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 May 2012, 10:43, closed)

I would imagine
Thats what people think when waking up next to Janet
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:44, closed)

I'd imagine
most of them go for 'corpse' though.

Some get on the phone to Sea Shepherd to get them to come pick it up.
(username failed moderation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:11, closed)

Ugh!
She smokes.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Sat 28 Apr 2012, 14:00, closed)

Only from the friction....
*arf*
(repooc, Sat 28 Apr 2012, 15:23, closed)

Tell her to give up.
Revolting habit.
(wino.NZ The Ayatollah of rock n' rolla..., Sun 29 Apr 2012, 2:32, closed)

Your life is shit.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 11:31, closed)

And if she wasn't proof reading your posts,
you'd be telling us that she's an overbearing harpy who has ruined your life?

Tragic.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 20:17, closed)