eBay
The joys of modern technology now mean you can end up with souvenirs from an evening of drinks at home, without even leaving the house!

Unfortunately I have a bad habit of going on eBay when drunk. This has resulted in some really bizarre purchases, confusing the fuck out of me when the postman turns up with an armfull of random boxes for me. My most recent purchases include:
37 varieties of chilli plants. My other half is going to be eating spicy food until he retires now. Every window ledge in my house has sodding chilli plants growing on them.
A few hundred grams of dried lavender. I don't even like lavender.
20 giant pumpkin seeds. I don't even have space for the chilli plants, but no, I needed to get giant pumpkins too.
A neon pink wig.
A stuffed dinosaur.
A real (dead, obv.) mole's skull.
18,000 poppy seeds, which I have now sprinkled over my garden. Flanders Fields - you have competition.
Knee high socks with a zebra pattern on them.
Not one, but two random metal tiaras (apparently you can never have too many tiaras)

eBay needs a breathalyser.

(Apologies for lack of boobs, porn or drugs)
( Bathory, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 17:28, 14 replies)

These things are called 'Beerlooms'

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 18:18, closed)

Like.

Especially as a lot of chilli plants are actually classed as heirloom plants - including one that I am currently growing (amongst the other 36 varieties - eyeroll -) the Peter Penis. Yes, okay, I couldn't resist throwing in a pornographic reference. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_pepper It's a chilli that looks like a cock. I wish it came in magenta instead of red.
( Bathory, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 18:27, closed)

oh wow I am gonna have to get some of them growing!

(teasus likes tea, Wed 2 May 2012, 0:15, closed)

They grow really well too! I bought some plug plants of them a few years back, but they turned out to grow completely non cock shaped. But I've got some growing from seed now, which I'm hoping ought to be more phallic.
( Bathory, Wed 2 May 2012, 7:04, closed)

marvellous!
I shall go and see if I can download some seeds from the internet.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 3 May 2012, 6:36, closed)

whoops sorry wrong century

(teasus likes tea, Thu 3 May 2012, 6:36, closed)

I like this word and will be adopting it forthwith.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 20:15, closed)

Likewise.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Tue 1 May 2012, 8:52, closed)

good word

(teasus likes tea, Thu 3 May 2012, 6:37, closed)

My younger brother
did something similar to this once. For about a fortnight the postman kept delivering parcels containing the metal badges from austin allegros.
( cs1ca, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 18:58, closed)

eBay certainly has a lot to answer for. Wonder if they're secretly sponsored by a brewery?
( Bathory, Tue 1 May 2012, 7:59, closed)

I have done this
soldering iron
giant bag of peanut butter M&M's
morph suit
2..TWO dremmels

and finally a plethora of USB to miniUSB/microUSB/standardUSB
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Tue 1 May 2012, 20:06, closed)

Peanut butter M&Ms are never a wasted purchase. Need more peanut butter M&Ms in the world.
( Bathory, Wed 2 May 2012, 7:05, closed)

You need "gimp suit" in that list. Next time, eh?

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 3 May 2012, 9:18, closed)