Murphy's Law vs. Karma
I last moved nine years ago. I still go pale and clammy at the thought.

First, we discovered that there was some mortgage paperwork which was still in joint names - the names being me and my ex-girlfriend, whom I hadn't spoken to or seen for fifteen years. So I had to track her down, and hope that she would sign a release - otherwise she would be entitled to half the profit on the sale.

I managed to find her, and thankfully she was happy to sign. So I contacted the freeholder to get him to sign the release too. At which point he decided to die. Selfish bastard. I managed to get to the office just as they were in the process of closing up to go to the funeral, and luckily the form was on the top of the pile so the secretary signed it before they closed - indefinitely.

At last we can exchange contracts! Our buyers had been complete shits for the whole process, continuously finding "issues" that required us to lower the sale price. But now they excelled themselves: they announced that they had, in fact, lied about having the deposit. They didn't have it. Not a bean.

Our solicitor did some legal magic, and made the problem go away (basically insuring for the amount of the deposit against the chain collapsing). Finally, contracts were exchanged.

All this was against the backdrop of Mrs Moon Monkey being something like 9.5 months pregnant. So you can imagine the stress level.

Then, in the week before moving, a strange, fetid smell began to waft into the house. A smell like Beelzebub's Bristly Bunghole, a foul stench that seemed colour the very air with a shimmering green haze. Clearly, something major had happened to a sewer pipe under the house. Shit had, quite literally, got real.

And then, with joy in our hearts we realised that, since we'd exchanged contracts, this was now officially Not Our Problem! Mr and Mrs Complete-Shit could have the problem as a house-warming present. We later heard from neighbours that the entire ground floor had had to be dug up...

I don't plan to move again.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 14:57, 10 replies)

Nice.
We bought a place, and the sellers had forgotten to mention a few little problems. Not big enough to be a major issue, but they had been sneaky - dodgy taps, broken window locks. Little irritations.

We got a note from them a week after moving in. The wife had forgotten to get her wedding dress from the attic, could we kindly dig it out and send it to her? She'd send us back the postage, of course.

I had to write back and say unfortunately there was no wedding dress in the attic.

That'd be because when I cleared out all the shit they'd left up there when they moved, I chucked the wedding dress away as well.

That was 2 days after they'd asked for it back. I'm a cunt sometimes.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 15:14, closed)

Slightly harsh.

( .Yeti., Mon 12 Jan 2015, 15:53, closed)

You should have seen the mess in the attic.
3 old water tanks, endless piles of newspaper, a dismantled wardrobe, old clothes.

Added to that, the garage had 19 bags of sand left in there, 2 or 3 old car batteries, several old doors and a pile of bricks.

Altogether there was a good skip full of shit left hanging around. Not that I hired a skip, I hauled it all to the dump myself, in 4 car trips.

Not harsh.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 16:53, closed)

car Honda Accord
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 20:57, closed)

You should have said she was welcome to come round and pick it up
then cut off her head with a samurai sword and thrown it down the rubbish chute.
( .Yeti., Tue 13 Jan 2015, 15:28, closed)

That's too
benign for a liberal like me.

Anyway, we don't have a rubbish chute, we have recycling bins. I wouldn't know which one to put a severed head in though.
(username failed moderation, Tue 13 Jan 2015, 16:28, closed)

Probably better for the compost heap.
Also, stay about from my recycling bins, etc. etc.
( .Yeti., Tue 13 Jan 2015, 18:36, closed)

Nice one.
Fucking bitch, I hope she killed herself.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 16:20, closed)

Well that
escalated quickly.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 16:49, closed)

Needless to say, you had the last laugh.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:58, closed)