when i was five i was taken to visit a farm/kids meet animals place
a turkey stole my sandwich.
it was a turkey sandwich.

another more serious time was in soho a few months ago. some guy ran up and grabbed my wallet out of my pocket. busy street, i run after him screaming "give my fucking wallet back you cunt!"
It's funny how all the people standing around pretending to be tough suddenly shrink away from anything like this. I ended up in an alley being beaten with chains by 2 guys who wouldn't give my wallet back no matter how much i was bellowing at them. so i did the only sensible thing. I charged straight at them (for those of you who don't know a chain leaves a fair bit of distance between them and you). they ran for it.
had some fucking big bruises from that.

the moral of this story is, don't chase someone who took your money down an alley. it hurts. however, if you DO find yourself in this position the best response is to be as aggressive as possible. Oh, and nobody will ever fucking help you if you're attacked/robbed/whatever. I saw someone being pickpocketed in broad daylight a couple of days ago with about 70 passers by watching. The only thing that stopped it was me shouting "OI! WHAT ARE YO DOING TO HER BAG?".
People are fucking useless. Especially if your assailant is a cannibal turkey.
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Thu 15 Jun 2006, 16:09, Reply)