Not me but my parents
When I was about 6, I was coming out of a cinema with my parents and we were approached by a couple of guys. The one who looked like the leader had a sinister smile. My dad tried to give them his wallet but the one with the smile just shot him and my mum. They both died.

After that I was brought up by our butler, Alfred. You see my family were kind of big cheeses and owned a lot of the city. The were pretty good with the money though and had just recently built a mass transportation system for the city.

When I got a bit older I went a little off the rails and went off to Nepal or somewhere and somehow ended up in prison. From there I was released and ended up training with some kind of crazy kick-ass ninja monks who were led by some Irish guy.

After a few years training with them I was rock hard but then had a bit of a falling out with them (turned out they were up to no good). After that I went back to the city and decided that I would use my vast fortune and kung-fu skills to fight crime. Luckily my Dad's old firm had a kind of secret department that developed cool gadgets and weapons which was very handy.

Back when I was a kid I had fallen into a well and got frightened by some bats. Because of that I thought that I would dress like one when fighting crime. It kind of made sense to me at the time. I think that it had something to do with a bat's resiliance or something like that.

I eventually caught up with my parent's killer. I thought I had killed him once by pushing him into a vat of toxic waste but he just went more crazy, telling lots of crap jokes and now had a really wierd face (his smile was now permanent, the bastard). After lots of to-ing and fro-ing I eventually got him though.

After that I started to fight with more and more ridiculous vilians. One guy was half penguin for Christ's sake. What the fuck was that all about? I also have had some really rubbish side-kicks, although one of them was kind of hot. I think it's best to stick with me and Alfred.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 14:41, Reply)