Long-time lurker, first-time caller
I would love it if this story involved me dispensing Ong Bak-style justice to the evil-doers involved, but I was only 15 and so had to resort to using the awesome power of the British legal system instead.

Me and a mate went into McDonalds on the way home from school and as we sat so I could enjoy my nutritiuous meal we were acosted by some youths from a rival school. I saw them approaching and so put my Maccy D's bag on the floor under my chair. The lads the began the whole 'can you lend me a pound' routine that was so popular in the mid-90s and I rather foolishly produced my wallet hoping that a pound coin would my end my harrassment. Their magnificent leader snatched the wallet from my hand and rifled through it - finding about £3.85 in change. I had no credit cards in those days but I did have a BT Chargecard (for those unaware of these, back in the day before most 10 year olds carried telecommunications equipment that rival NASA, a chargecard was a phonecard that allowed you to charge any call to your home number by entering a code before dialling.)

My empty wallet was handed back to me and the youths departed. I reached down under my chair only to find that my delicious McDonalds had also been taken. Dejected and depressed, me and my mate left the establishment and went home - chalking the matter up to experience.

That evening, I was suprised to get a call from the local cop-shop.

Copper: "Do you own a BT Chargecard?"
Me: "Yes. Well, no. It was nicked this afternoon."
Copper: "Thought so. This kid we've just arrested said he found it in a phonebox but we knew he was lying."

The story happened thusly: These youths, no doubt hugely boosted by their successful raid on yours truly, had walked about 5 mins up the high street and robbed some other kid. Unfortunately, he had put up more resistance and had the living sh*t kicked out of him (that £3.85 it seems was money well spent.)

These lads had duly been arrested and found in their possesion was my chargecard (bearing my name) and a quick call to BT had yielded my details. A few hours later a very nice constable called at my house to take my statement. It seems that the lads could be charged with

a) Robbery (the fact that one of them physically took the wallet out of my hand technically constituted robbery - the dick);
b) Theft of possesions (the chargecard);
and my favourite, c) theft of groceries! (yes, that is a real crime - although he was probably doing me a favour by nicking my wholesome burger-based meal.)

I slept well that night in the knowledge that justice had triumphed over evil. (Although when I look back on it, it's very likely their time in Feltham Young Offenders Institute lead to my young assailants hardening into borderline-sociopathic career criminals who will now rob me as an adult using unnecessary levels of violence. But now I'm all grown-up I can easily dispense the aforementioned Ong-Bak retribution so it's not of great concern.)




No apologies - Surgically enhanced for both length, girth and performance.


*pop* - today I am a man.
(Chexworth will one day make Yoko Matsugane his bride..., Tue 20 Jun 2006, 10:49, Reply)