Shameless repost, but I think you'll find it's very apt
My mother grew up in a very traditional family who thought that sex was Bad and Evil and Nasty and Wrong, and that her ladyparts were to be ashamed of. On the day her mother first discovered a few spots of blood on her underwear that Mum hadn't even noticed herself, she came home from school to find all the curtains drawn and her mother whispering in shameful tones about "growing up" and "women's problems" and "that time of the month".

So naturally, Mum was determined that I shouldn't have such an awful upbringing, that I should grow up with a happy, healthy attitude to sex and a good relationship with my ladyparts. So far so good. But alas, let's just say the pendulum swung rather too far in the opposite direction.

For as far back as my memory goes, she regularly tried to engage me in conversation about my vagina. She used to tell me all about her sex life at great length and in great detail. She lectured me on the harmlessness of masturbation (It's okay...as long as you wash your hands afterwards). She used to test me on all of this. Seriously, when other kids were learning to read, I was locating the clitoris on a colour-coded diagram. Then when I was fourteen, she packed me off on a week-long orchestral tour with a twelve-pack of condoms. Twelve! If I got that much sex now I'd be very happy, not to mention a bit behind on my work.

But the worst thing she ever did, worse than the masturbation tutorials, worse than inviting me to inspect her labia, was locking the two of us in a tiny toilet cubicle together and making me watch her insert a tampon. I was only four. She stood up, naked from the waist down, put one pale, heavily-muscled leg up against the wall for easy access and barked a running commentary at me as she shoved a tampon into her bloody vagina, greying pubes glistening, a maniacal, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar expression in her mad, rolling eyes.

Click "I like this" to make a Paypal donation towards my therapy bill.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 14:52, 9 replies)

Christ!
I don't know whether to cringe or laugh!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 14:59, closed)

Laugh!
Much more fun!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:00, closed)

Donation made.
I may need therapy just reading this.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:06, closed)

"one pale, heavily-muscled leg up against the wall for easy access"
this gets a click
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:18, closed)

As an adult I would just like to say
"ewwww gross!"

*does flappy hand thing*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:21, closed)

Aaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
You poor dear.

Clicking 'I Like This' just doesn't seem appropriate, but nonetheless...*click*
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:30, closed)

clicky
just because that image is enough.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:33, closed)

"...naked from the waist down, put one pale, heavily-muscled leg up against the wall for easy access and barked a running commentary at me as she shoved a tampon into her bloody vagina, greying pubes glistening, a maniacal, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar expression in her mad, rolling eyes"


Filed under W
(TheColonel, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:34, closed)

Donation given.
Jesus Christ.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 15:36, closed)

You mother should get a medal for services to QotW
*clicks in the fanny*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 16:20, closed)