PC? What PC...?
Every year at my Junior school, we'd put on a play vaguely connected to religious figures in some way. In our second year there we did a story about Saint George and the Turkish Knight.

Naturally the blonde haired, blue eyed Ayran wonderkid got the role of Saint George, and was predictable noble and adorable. The teachers and parents got a little more than they bargained for when I was cast as the Turkish Knight however...

First off there was the costume. My mum was determined to make a show of this, so set about constructing a fake chainmail vest using an anorak and some sequins, some big turqiose pantaloons, curvy slippers, a tunic complete with the star and crescent of Islam on it (oh yes, I was bringing religious hate-war into things at an early age), a spiked helmet with a turban wrapped around it and to cap it all off, one of the most convincing beards you've ever seen on a child. In short, I look terrifying - like an angry dwarf who'd just emerged from the Crusades into late 80s South East England.

There was a problem though... I do not look, in any way, shape or form Turkish. Even with that plentiful pre-pubescent beard. How to solve such a dilemma Mum?

Gravy Browning.

Yes, that's right, I blacked up for the school play, such was my commitment to getting the character right.

I wasn't done there though, not by a long shot... I wanted this to be a performance of Robert De Niro like accuracy - a testament to my infantile acting ability.

"Mum, where IS Turkey?"

"It's in Asia, but the bit just next to Greece."

My mind begins to whirr... In Asia, but next to Greece... Well, I've snuck downstairs and seen a Greek man on the telly before. Something about a kebab shop... called Stavros... If Turkey's next to Greece, I should probably sound a bit like him... But then... Asia... Hmm... Asia... That's like India and places isn't it? So, somewhere between a Greek and Indian accent... I can do that.

I'd like to think that the day they saw a fully armed, blacked up seven year old alternating between Stavros the Greek and a generically Indian stereotype while waving a wooden sword at a terrified looking moppet on stage is one that will live in the minds off all the people who were there that night.

For some reason our second night had to be pulled... Shame, I thought it was ace.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Sun 29 Mar 2009, 10:10, 2 replies)

Oh, I could imagine that
Sort of like all the characters from Mind Your Language rolled into one.

Oh, the child's mind is a wondrous thing, have we had a qotw on 'casual racism'?
( Ghoti Fingers, Sun 29 Mar 2009, 13:37, closed)

I started giggling
When you mentioned Stavros...have a click
( snee held his breath since, Mon 30 Mar 2009, 16:04, closed)