teenage bastards
several years ago, i lived in that horrific modern shitpile known as a high-rise block. after my upstairs neighbour, due to his ineptness at plumbing in his own washing machine, had flooded me out 5 times, i saw to it that he had to leave his flat suddenly. i thought i would then get neighbours who were nicer and more considerate of those around them.

i was so very, very wrong.

3 months after captain wetness left, my new neighbour moved in. i should have been wary from the start, as he was 17 and a known drug addict. however, i gave him the benefit of the doubt.
within one month, he had broken every window in his flat, kicked a hole in his toilet and drenched my hallway in foul-smelling toilet water. every night, he and his friends would play music at full volume until at least 3 a.m. it was like trying to sleep on a dancefloor and my nerves were shredded.
when i complained, he plugged up his bath and sinks, then turned on the taps and went out.
it soon began to rain in my hallway.
calling the police did nothing. as he had friends in the same block, he would bugger off to one of their flats as soon as he saw the police coming. the housing weren't much better. i had to log complaints for a month, after which they issued him with a warning.
3 months later, another warning.
3 months after that, a final warning.
the housing told him that, if he gave up the flat even one day before his eviction case went to court, they would give him another flat somewhere else. if, however, he refused to go, he would be evicted and would not be able to get another council flat.
so, of course, he stayed put.
during the 8 months it took to get rid of him, i had to suffer:
nightly fights between him and his coked-up friends
shit music blasted to ear-shattering levels
green paint poured down my windows
repeated floodings
broken windows
a plastic bucket that he had been using as a makeshift toilet, tied to a rope and used to try to break my living-room windows. it was still full of shit.
my nerves were so frayed by the time he left that, the day the council put the iron door over his front door, i almost wept with relief. i've had bad neighbours since, but never as bad as him.

sorry for lack of funnies, but he was a cunt.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 18:35, 8 replies)

........
I was going to post something but it now seems very weak and pathetic compared with that.. Dude - how the F did you survive that!??! Full respect and credit to you.
(Senora Veranos cannot and will not so ner..., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:03, closed)

i'm a very placid person
but if someone gets my back up, it will not go down again without a fight ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:42, closed)

fuck sake mate
why didn't YOU move, there is only so much a person can put up with..............surely?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:04, closed)

i am very, VERY stubborn
there was no way i was going to let that little shitpipe get the better of me. plus, if i'd have moved then, i wouldn't have got the £3,850 they paid us all to move out of the block 3 years later!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:45, closed)

ive had a fair old moan on here about how my staggeringly well paid life ground to a halt
i'd just like to apologise for moaning

i cant imagine how you managed to not kill him

seriously

(if its any consolation i'm still on the dole)
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 1:07, closed)

!
Makes all my previous neighbours seem like a very very mild irritation in comparison!
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:19, closed)

we all get shit neighbours at some point or other
the trick is not to let the fuckers win.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 16:17, closed)

i did want to kill him
but he always had his mates with him. i think i'll save my killing spree until i've got a clock tower to climb, a terminal illness and a fierce determination to go out in a blaze of glory!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 16:16, closed)