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This is a question Neighbours

I used to live next door to a pair of elderly naturists, only finding out about their hobby when they bade me a cheerful, saggy 'Hello' while I was 25 feet up a ladder repairing the chimney. Luckily, a bush broke my fall, but the memory of a fat, naked man in an ill-fitting wig will live with me forever.

(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:41)
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My neighbour who lives in the room next door
is currently doing my head in. I like her a lot, but she's (relatively) recently acquired a boyfriend who has all the charm, sparkle and pizzaz of a fitted wardrobe. Trying to make conversation with this man is about as enjoyable as shitting tin-tacks. He is bloody boring, and in my opinion they're not even slightly suited to each other, but whatever, have fun while you're young and all that.

The problem is that she brings him round. Every. Single. Night. He's in the damn flat more often than I am. Apparently, they can't stay over in his flat because it's 'too far away' and she doesn't want to get up earlier than she has to to go to work. They sit on the sofa and do nowt, or make massive multi-pan meals and then leave a huge pile of dishes that they don't wash up. I feel like a gooseberry in my own home, and it's teh suxx0r. The other evening I got so fed up I ended up walking around the freezing streets of Edinburgh for three hours just so I wouldn't have to be in there with them. It's bloody awful, and I've had enough.

I know I need to say something, and quick, before I end up resenting my friend. But I really hate conflict, and am scared that she'll turn on me and haccuse me of being bitter (nope) and jealous and controlling and wotnot, but it's becoming absolutely frikkin' unbearable, to the point that I wince when I hear her key in the door because I know Johnny No-Chat will be trailing along behind. But I just don't know what to say. Any advice? Please?

Not entirely on topic, for which I proffer my deepest grovellings. Just needed to vent, like.

- PS - He is also a shameless enviropig, and CONSTANTLY leaves lights on all over the flat, to the point at which if I hear him get up in the night after I've gone to bed, I have to get up myself to go and turn them off after him.

PPS And he drinks ALL the milk and doesn't buy any more. Twat.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:00, 11 replies)
1) Be considerate. Talk to her. Explain the situation and ask her to be more careful.

2) Be firm. If she wont listen then set boundires. Refuse to pay extra costs, don;t let her use your stuff.

3) Get hard. Talk to the landlord about the new person living there (staying more than 5 days a week is unofficialy living in a place) Maybe mention you are a bit constipated and spike some throw away food with laxatives.

Sounds hard but if someone treats you like crap you have to confront them and push back otherwise you're going to be pushed around forever.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:13, closed)
Sounds familiar
That feeling of despair when you hear the key scratch in the door... yep. Grim. Been there, done that.

Trouble is there are only two options - ask them to stop doing the things that annoy you, or move out yourself. There is a third option, to leave things unchanged, but you will only get more and more unhappy if you do that.

So go for the first option. You might well find that they didn't even realise it was upsetting you. Even if she gets in a strop - and she may well, because most people don't like being told off! - things might improve afterwards. At least you'll have said your piece. When I was in your position, I chose the third option for too long. Once I raised the grievances it really did change things and it did all work out.

Don't let this make you any more unhappy than it needs to, though. This is just a short, difficult phase of your life and you *can* get out of it!
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:17, closed)
If you behave like
a rug people will walk all over you, forever.

First thing, write an imaginary letter to her saying what bothers you, read it a few days later and edit/rewrite, do the same again a few days later and then tell her you want a "chat" to go over all what you have written down.

See what her response is etc, and if it not to your liking move out.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:23, closed)
"But I really hate conflict..."
For fucks sake.
Really, do you need someone to tell you what to do? Tell him to piss off.
Sorry if that's blunt, but today is a bummer.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:16, closed)
You make not like yourself for it, but it'll be much much much less painful in the long run. Especially if you go postal.

There again, do fuck all, they'll get bored and start grazing somewhere else....

*waits by newspaper stand for double murder headline*
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:33, closed)
she is a gentle girl and values her friend, who has a KNOBHEAD BF, she needs advice yes, and your gentle advice will hopefully give her more backbone.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:11, closed)
just tell her he came onto you
that should sort it out
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:32, closed)
Clean your fanny with his toothbrush.
(, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 21:21, closed)
^ this
made tea come out my nose :D
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:21, closed)
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:27, closed)
thanks for the advice, all
...especially the dental hygiene option. It is, if nothing else, it's something to ponder.

Update - scraped together my meagre courage and decided I was going to have the chat with her last night when she came in, but guess who followed on her heels. Blithering assclown. Will try again this evening. Chars!
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:34, closed)

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