Sibling Feud
So this has been going on for a few years. Everyone has fights with their siblings, right? Well my brother and I have been exchanging blows for years- and by blows, I mean broken bones. Strangely enough they're all accidents, but my mum now believes that there must be SOMETHING going on...

When I was little my stepdad taught me and my brother some basic self defence, including arm-locks. While practicing one of these I accidentally dislocated my brother's thumb. Not to be deterred, about two weeks after this he knocked me off my bike and broke my nose. That seemed to even out the issue somewhat...

I'd swerved to a stop at the bottom of a hill to apologise to some daft bints, who thought the road was an extension of the promenade, and were walking their kids in their pushchairs right along the middle of it. As they're screaming at me, there's a cry of, "I can't find the braaaaaaakeeeess!" My brother hurtles down the hill at several million miles per hour and slams into the side of the bike, folding it in half like a paper plane and sending me flying.

Anyway, things seemed to have evened up until a few years ago, when we were on the beach with some friends during the air show (which means the only place you can walk is actually in the sea, there are so many people.) My brother starts a water fight, and then decides to pick me up and throw me into the deep water. He hasn't counted on the fact that I weigh more than your average buffalo, although he claims he "stepped on a jellyfish". Whatever the reason, he dropped me and fell over... and I fell straight onto his leg.

I think he's ok, just a sprained ankle or something, since he's still breathing. So I continue playing with my friends, thinking that if it is sprained, the cold sea water will sort it out. My brother sits up to his chest in sea water. The tide starts coming in....

Suddenly, a tourist wades into the water and drags him out. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yells, "Can't you see what colour he's gone?"

We look. My brother's normally pale skin is a rather nice shade of green, complimenting his red afro. He seems alright apart from that, though... his girlfriend has him in her lap, and he's not drowning any more... and we have to meet someone at the other side of town. So we say g'bye and leave him there.

Apparently, he had to be airlifted off the beach, as there was no way to get a car down or anything. His leg was broken, and he spent the summer playing on his gamecube.

I'm still waiting for his revenge.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:59, Reply)