My Arch-Nemesis
Back a year ago, I had a job as a trainee mason pavior for the local council(Newcastle if you must know), I was fucking loving it, until I was put on a site with DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN..... Big-nosed inbred fuck. This guy was a real tosser, I mean it, you wouldn't even piss on him if he was on fire , deliberately pissing me off just to see if I would "bite" (retaliate by shouting and getting pissed off and what not), the fucking roid head, gym fanatic nufter. Occasionally I did, throwing the odd shovel or two, but this was when I was getting to know "oneupsmanship" and how it was used, except in my case it was three-ups-manship to my pissy one. He would throw a scotch egg off my head, resulting in being called EGGHEAD, then, I was squirted with a water hose... "EGGHEAD WETLEG", then as I ate my more onion than usual onion salad, I burped, the smell of onions and death leaded to... "EGGHEAD WETLEG DEATH BREATH". After weeks of torment I thought, this is it. I began to plan, the night before my plan was carried out I found out the local bus routes from the site to my house and what time was closest to 11:30am (This is what time you finish if you put in for a half day holiday). Anyhoo... I popped into the local sainsburys just round the corner. I bought a pack of eggs, fresh prawns and OXO cubes.

11:00am - I picked up the key to the cabin which held our bags of work gear and food.

11:02am - Kettle boils, and proceed to crush every single OXO on his fruit salad and pasta,and drown the twunts food until an apple slice or two bobbed to the top and gasped for air. I then found some empty cable ties and took liberties on his bag.

11:10am - I pop back to the cabin to break 2 raw eggs and empty a whole bag of prawns in to each of his trainers. Threw his bag onto cabin roof(about 10ft high)

11:25am - Slipped on my trainers, took the 1 egg left and grasped it in my palm, waited until he turned away and smashed the egg over his gelled hair screaming "EGGHEAD"

11:26am - Sprinted like fuck 100m down the road, seriously, it was a run even Usain himself would've been proud of. Sharp right along the alley way with the poser cunt not fucking far away from me, think the russian chase scene in Rock'n'Rolla and you know what i'm talking about until I saw the number 40 bus slow right beside me as I stepped onto it. God himself couldn't of asked for better timing.
(iLLmatic, Tue 4 May 2010, 2:23, 6 replies)

A little work-place gentle ribbing
sounds perfectly normal to me.
(Vlad the Inhaler forgot his password, Tue 4 May 2010, 7:53, closed)

Why ignore it when you can overreact like a toddler?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 4 May 2010, 8:19, closed)

Oddly enough
this seems to be your personal mantra.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 4 May 2010, 21:07, closed)

if you did the latter they would keep doing it
(iLLmatic, Tue 4 May 2010, 21:45, closed)

Why take the bus?
Was your Honda Accord at the garage?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 4 May 2010, 11:33, closed)

I don't drive
(iLLmatic, Tue 4 May 2010, 21:44, closed)