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This is a question My Arch-nemesis

I lived in fear of a Darth Vader-esque school dinner lady who stood me perpetually at the naughty table for refusing to eat mushy peas. An ordeal made worse after I was caught spooning the accursed veg into her wellies. Who, we ask, has wrecked your life?

Thanks to Philly G for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:01)
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Maybe you should acknowledge that your behaviour contributed to the situation. By painting your self as younger and more naive, you are trying to absolve your self for taking responsibility.
Maybe you 'enabled' her. Maybe you should have been stronger from the start.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:48, 1 reply)
that is the case. But I'll respond by saying that it's a hell of a lot more difficult to be "strong" for someone when they're treating you in the manner described above. I obviously am not absolving myself of all blame, but honestly, all I can remember is being confused and scared by how she behaved with no provocation. It would be a different story if I'd been a cunt and hit her or mentally tortured her. But I did not, nor did I ever want to (during the relationship).

Are you just suggesting that I "enabled" her to do these things because I wasn't strong due to the fact I was young and naive? If I could be anything but naive during that time, trust me, I would have been. If my naivety contributed to her attitude, then surely she should have told me? When I tried to be strong and leave, then she reacted terribly. I don't know.
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 16:56, closed)
I wasn't going to say anything...
But I got out of something very similar a while ago, and I'm wayyy older than you were, very much old enough to know better. But I didn't, so I don't think you should be hard on yourself, because inexperience is not always good protection from people like that.
And that's why I'm not Sparky anymore...
(, Wed 5 May 2010, 20:10, closed)
like I mentioned
above, it was also the fact that she was manipulative and controlling, giving me threats if I did leave her, threats to kill herself etc. I guess that stuff is horrible no matter what age you are.

Glad you got out of the similar relationship. I firmly believe that my time with her was very damaging in many ways indeed.
(, Thu 6 May 2010, 9:48, closed)
Sorry, I cant rememeber which way round these letters go. Maybe someone can help in rearranging. MUTF
(, Thu 6 May 2010, 13:12, closed)
for your input. "MTFU" perhaps? Very enlightening. I didn't realise it was wrong and "not manly" of me to feel hurt and confused by blatantly irrational abusive behaviour. I didn't post this looking for advice, it's just a story of a few years of my life. I still can't quite get at what your original reply was suggesting. Obviously if I were stronger at that time then things would have been different, but I wasn't. So, whatever.
(, Thu 6 May 2010, 13:21, closed)

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