Hitchhiking, Michael Praed. Boobage. Sandwich.
As a teen in the early 90s, I liked to follow bands around the country, but never had money for train fares, so I chose to hitch hike. I was always getting picked up by lorry drivers who were very polite and gentlemanly and just seemed to appreciate the conversation and the opportunity to brag about their Scania trucks and the places they'd been in them.

Other kindly souls who picked me up included; a bloke in advertising, whom I assumed would be an utterly obnoxious twunt, but was actually quite nice; a very butch lesbian whose militant attitude towards the world terrified me, but kind enough to invite me over to her house for a bong before setting me on my way into Brighton city centre; and an Indian guy with leopard print seat covers who never spoke to me throughout the whole journey, which was somewhat unnerving.

The only cockwomble I ever did get picked up by was a bloke who was coming back from the Donnington festival. He looked like Michale Praed in the 80s tv series Robin Hood. I'd just been to visit friends in Nottingham and was only 17 at the time. On hearing that he'd been to a music festival, I assumed he'd be a cool bloke, happy to waffle on about music with me, even though hair metal was not my thing.

And waffle we did, up until a point. I racked my brains for something to say, just to fill the silence, when my ponderings were suddenly interrupted by the question:
'do you get offended easily?'
Me, curious: 'not really. Why?'
Hair Metal Twunt: 'Do you mind if I say something? It's been on my mind the whole journey.'
Me, bemused: 'um....go ahead, yeah'
Him: 'Your tits are fucking massive'.

Cue a little nervous laughter from me, followed by awkward, prolonged silence, fear of any physical contact from him, much folding of arms and attempts to squish down my puppies for the rest of the journey down the M1.

He dropped me off in London, asking, 'would you like to come in for a sandwich?'.
I replied with a rather stilted, 'no, but thank you for the lift' and went on my way.

I never hitchhiked again after that, as I realised that it was scary enough being freaked out by a mere inappropriate comment, let alone whatever else could happen, but I would like to thank all the other drivers who were kind enough to pick up a 17 year old girl and not rape/rob/maim/kill her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:12, 18 replies)

I'd say
that you were lucky, to be honest- a young female traveling alone by hitching rides is taking a huge risk, especially if she's at all attractive.

I had a couple of rather spooky experiences myself, despite being male and almost six feet tall.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:26, closed)

absolutely
i look back and wonder what the hell i was thinking. i was going through a bit of a manic phase, then, i reckon.
christ, i was lucky, though.
spooky experiences? tell me, i'm curious!
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:34, closed)

Let's see...
There was the guy on his way to do a porno shoot who had cameras in the back seat.

There was the guy with the load of gay porno mags in his back seat that he invited me to look through.

There was the guy whose car was full of empty beer cans- except for the one he was holding.

There were the Born Again types who tried to save my soul.

There was the ride I took on the back bumper of a lorry in a snowstorm, which I've chronicled here before.

There was the woman who was telling me how no one but immigrants and faggots lived in the neighborhood we were going through at the time- which happened to be my neighborhood. I had her drive me two more blocks, then walked back.

On the other hand, there was the couple who fed me wine and cheese as we traveled...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 14:46, closed)

heehee, i have been lucky indeed, then.
but wine and cheese is good. was that in the usa? do they have good cheese there? i must confess to being a bit ignorant on the subject of cheese in the new world ;)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:02, closed)

We do indeed
have some good cheese here. I recently brought BGB a large chunk of Adirondack White Gold cheddar, which she said was good but not as sharp as some of the local stuff. Me, I tend to prefer New York State or Vermont cheddars. There's something about the harsh winters there that makes them much more flavorful than others.

Our cheese tends to be creamier- I find that English cheese is dry and crumbly and sticks in my throat.

As I recall, at the time it was chardonnay and cheddar with wheat crackers. Definitely the best hitching experience I've ever had!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:17, closed)

merkin cheese sounds good, then*.
*argh, that could sound wrong.

but yeah, i love the creamier cheeses. a nice gouda does me fine :)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:22, closed)

Smoked gouda FTW!
I also like Havarti, brie, Camembert and other soft mild cheeses. If I go on a day trip to the mountains I'll often pack a chunk of soft cheese and some bread with fresh fruit and some excellent beer, then have the world's best picnic on a mountain top.

Hmmmm. Might need to take a trip this weekend...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:27, closed)

add a few goaty friends and that would be my idea of heaven.
and i also have the theme tune to 'heidi' stuck in my head now.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:30, closed)

Christians
do like picking hitchers up. TY for the lift, but I don't need a bloody sermon!
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:12, closed)

a captive audience is hard for them to resist, i suppose
btw, thanks, bearpookie for mentioning hitchhikers earlier, thus reminding me i did have something to post this week!
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:20, closed)

Cockwomble?
Great word so *click* but doesn't sound like an insult to me.

#Cockwombles of Wimbledon Common are we..

#Remember-member-member a Cockwomble-womble-womble you are
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:11, closed)

wombles are wombly versatile
sometimes, boobs can look like womble noses.
thanks for the click :)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:13, closed)

I really hope
yours don't look like Womble noses though, BB! They would have to be very long and pointy.

*is now curious*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:49, closed)

a little bit of painful body modding
and i could have a pair of my very own tobermories :P
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:59, closed)

*snorts*
"my very own tobermories"

Classic...

*wipes tears from eyes from laughing*
( snee held his breath since, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:03, closed)

ooookay...
Quote: "it was scary enough being freaked out by a mere inappropriate comment"

So you visit B3TA regularly instead?! (Do you have any pictures, so we can judge for ourselves?)
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 23:58, closed)

You're lucky
that no one ever tried to pull an Ivan Milat on you.

:D God I wish I could go to concerts - but I'm too paranoid about meeting an Ivan Milat wanna-be to actually hitch hike anywhere.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 4 Oct 2008, 13:57, closed)

ivan milat?
*wikis*

yikes. indeed.
( gypsy turnips, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 18:43, closed)