In one of my worst depressive episodes,
when I was unable to leave the house due to the usual suicidal tendancies, I received a card and a small blue stone through the post from my sister. My sister and I get on okay, but we're not all that close, so I was touched.

I was more touched when I read the card:
"Dear sis, here is some crystally stone thing that's supposed to have healing properties. It's probably a load of crap but it's worth a try. Also, I got this card with an angel on it but the angel has no nipples. Do you think angels should have nipples?"

Stupid bint. I spent my childhood trying to kill her but I love her.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:54, 25 replies)

They could have nipples for decoration I suppose
A bit like men's nipples.

But they really shouldn't have belly-buttons.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:56, closed)

absolutely!
but... there's just so many levels to this... Do they exist? If they exist, how? Will it involve nipples? It's just so... vast!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:57, closed)

Vast nipples.
Vast angelic nipples.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:57, closed)

Thus spakes the philosopher
and so, how many lapdances can they do on the head of a pin?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:59, closed)

how many lapdances can they do on the head of a pin my face.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:01, closed)

Six!
Three in the front, two in the back, and one almighty lapdance right on your fucking pretty little eyes.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:12, closed)

In my mind
The angels have nipples.

...and dildos, big, scary black dildos.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:58, closed)

I love your idea of heaven, Sexmonkey
and I hope to be there with a 12" strap-on.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 15:59, closed)

I hope to be
there with a giant sized pack of lube.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:02, closed)

I'll bring the sand.

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:02, closed)

And
the cheesgrater.

Oh yes, the cheesegrater.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:03, closed)

Please bum me with your strap on.
I keep begging the Mrs, but she refuses, the only person who's offered is my sister in law, and I think she'd be a bit too rough for my liking.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:09, closed)

Yeah
she would be. She doesn't give you a chance to lube.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:17, closed)

My sister in law has bummed you?
What was she like? She's got lovely great massive honking huge norks.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:18, closed)

Yes I know
She used them afterwards. They hurt more than the dildo
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:25, closed)

Black ones?
But surely they should be pure white ones which strap neatly to their legs under their floaty white robes...or maybe attach to their large white wings.

Or maybe they should be large gold dildos - the ones who don't have harps could have them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:00, closed)

But my angels are naughty angels
In sexmonkey heaven all the nymphos become angels.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:02, closed)

They could always
use their harps as dildos.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:02, closed)

Open wide Jesus!
He loves to be penetrated by Harps.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:07, closed)

Independent Film Makers!
You have a cracking film here! Better than Dogma.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:19, closed)

Anything is better than Dogma
Any film where they can make Salma Hayek look unattractive is just pure evil.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:24, closed)

Helping hand....
If anyone fancies a mouthful of angel delight I'm yer man.

Gabriel.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:18, closed)

So long as it's not chocolate flavour.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:24, closed)

mmmm
creamy.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:28, closed)

That's not angel delight!
That's a space station!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 16:43, closed)