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This is a question I'm glad nobody saw me

Have you ever done something, realised how stupid or embarrassing it was and then looked about to see if anyone watching? Did you get away with it?

Suggested by Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic, chosen by YOU

(, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 15:49)
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A genuine Tear-Jerker.
Read this to yourself in a slow, gentle, and un-hurried way.


A teddy bear sits on a mattress
One glass eye and threadbare paw
Looking at a cuckoo clock
Which shows it's ten to four

Four o'clock is teddy's teatime
Lots of friends and fancy cake
Although it's only pretend eating
Oh how long ten minutes take

Shadows grow on distant hillsides
Orange sun on glassy sea
All in his amber eye reflected
And still ten minutes left 'til tea

The mattress, striped, is old and broken
Rusty springs through stuffing show
The cuckoo clock is also broken
But how's a teddy supposed to know?

Unaware he's been discarded
That this is not the nursery cot
The hills and sea just glass, old papers
On a disused rubbish plot

A telephone that no one answers
Empty tins that once held tea
The clock that still says nearly teatime
Where can all the children be?

For ages now he's lain unwanted
Saluting with his threadbare paw
He'll never know he's been abandoned
'Til the clock reads after four

Don't tell him that the clock is broken
For as long as teddy doesn't know
It'll always soon be teatime
As it was so long ago.


Makes me well up every time.


In the early days of wanking I used to shag my old teddy - Right In his little brown fuzzy arse. So while causing me to blub, this poem with a naughty little bear - *clearly* begging to go dogging on his worn out mattress - also makes me horny.... and as my mum taught me: never waste a hardon.

The good old Tear-Jerk: Best done without witnesses.
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:15, 13 replies)
Jesus Christ what a post!
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:27, closed)
One question:
Your MUM taught you?
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:29, closed)
Yeah, I wondered about that.

(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:39, closed)
I think that was a joke.
I think the whole thing is rather light-hearted.
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:41, closed)
The juxtaposition between the lonely tragedy of an abandoned teddy, with you bending one in to said teddy is lovely...
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:45, closed)
Nice to see you back so regularly - block removed at work?
Tearjerking poem, yes... I've always liked it.

I never fucked my Teddy though (although I did take a photo of my girlfriends cuddly Bagpuss with my cock in it's mouth and email it about the shop).
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:59, closed)
I think ...
...that if you refer to your Miss's Mimsy as "BagPuss" she's gonna get pissed...

I didn't deliberately quit writing, I was just caught up in one particularly long wank.
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 13:15, closed)
captain beaky, no?

(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 13:07, closed)
Hissing sid?
(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 13:09, closed)
yes, I do believe it is from Beaky :D
Read by Jeremy Lloyd on Vol 2

Vol 1 songs here!!!

(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 13:19, closed)
You've just ruined one of my most favouritest powms eva'
Four o'clock is teddy's teatime sexehtime!

(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 14:40, closed)
Some secrets really should not be shared

(, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 22:01, closed)

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