Indecent Exposure
On a mate's stag night, we hustled him down to the beach, stripped him and dressed him in a basque, fishnets, suspenders and stilettos, before parading him (handcuffed) up and down the promenade to the merriment of all and sundry.

Now it turns out that genuine women's lingerie isn't built for the male anatomy, and so his cock and balls were not completely encased. He was, in fact popping out all over. All part of the fun until we rounded a corner and came face to face with two coppers, doing the pub 'n' club patrol.

They stood there, staring at this apparition in lace and body hair. We stood there, holding our breath to see which way it would go.

"Stag night is it, lads? Fair enough." And they wandered off. Much to our merriment, the last thing we heard as they disappeared into the crowd was one turning to the other and saying "Well, I would..."
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 11:01, 26 replies)

I genuinely didn't realise that the sort of feeble-witted prick who enjoys a drag-tragedy stag do would be able to read and write.
You learn something every day.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:16, closed)

Put yer fucking knickers back on
Ducky!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:18, closed)

you'll never find someone to marry you with that kind of attitude

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:18, closed)

I NO RITE?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:10, closed)

*removes monocle*
I say!
*replaces monocle*
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 13:10, closed)

*symbolically burns copy of Loaded*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 13:17, closed)

I organised a stag night for a mate years back where we were all dressed as nuns
...though it did turn out that he was a bit of a prick and I'm now living with his wife. That's not important, the point is that the nuns' costumes were my idea.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 15:39, closed)

you fucking smug homewrecking cunt

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:48, closed)

I'm going to pretend you said "penguins" instead of "nuns".

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:09, closed)

I call bullshit on this story.
There is no way on earth this is true: "to the merriment of all and sundry"
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 14:33, closed)

Ok, perhaps "abject horror and vomit-inducing revulsion" would have been more accurate

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:33, closed)

Now I believe your story.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:58, closed)

I know a lad who went away to Prague for a long weekend for his stag do.
The 'best' man switched his suitcase as they got to the airport and the only clothes he had to wear for four days were a giant babygrow, a cowboy outfit, a Bo Peep costume and a wetsuit about 6 sizes too big for him. They had confiscated his wallet too so he couldn't go to the Czech equivalent of Primark either.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:35, closed)

ah, bless
and we wonder why the rest of Europe regards us a sub-neolithic arseholes.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:05, closed)

Exactly.
Things like that are the reason that Prague is shit now.

Well, not shit, it's still beautiful, but...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:07, closed)

I went to Prague for my first stag do many years ago
We didn't upset anyone, got on fine with the locals and managed to combine culture with getting absolutely wombled. But that's not a very good story.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 10:07, closed)

The very reason I've spurned cheap holidays, saved hard, and gone places
the Britscum ® couldn't afford to go, or didn't know existed.
I mean I like getting hammered on cheap foreign booze as much as anyone, it's just that I don't want to fight the locals or have to pretend to be another nationality.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 20:28, closed)

I'ts pretty sad
when you have to pretend to be Scottish
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 23:38, closed)

Here,
I don't have to pretend, I'm constantly asked (by people who are "good at accents") which part of Scotland/Australia/South Africa I come from.
I can pretty much pick a country at random or agree with the questioner and I'll be believed.

Fairly amazing for a country where most people claim to be Scots/Irish/English/etc
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 4:46, closed)

We give passports to all the wrong people.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:11, closed)

The problem to me, isn't giving out passports to people,
but allowing them to return.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 20:29, closed)

Out on my stag, nothing bad happened to me,
and I had a great time not being humiliated.

I see now that I must have been doing it wrong.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 18:56, closed)

I'm afraid that if there are not pictures of you
lying in urine soaked jeans on a picturesque cobbled 15th century street, surrounded by gurning mates dressed as ugly women, then you didn't have a good time and are a boring old fart.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 20:33, closed)

:-(

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 8:53, closed)

Next up: students steal traffic cones from roadworks, wear on heads, hilarity ensues.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 9:02, closed)

My dad tried that, whilst I was a student.
Turned out to be full of spiders*. How we laughed.

*The cone, not my dad.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 10:47, closed)