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This is a question I should have been arrested

Faced with The Law when I and a bunch of equally idiotic mates set off a load of loud explosions down the local chalk pit, we blamed bigger boys who had run off. Tell us of the times when you got away with something naughty and slightly out of order.

Thanks to MatJ for the suggestion

(, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 13:36)
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Indecent Exposure
On a mate's stag night, we hustled him down to the beach, stripped him and dressed him in a basque, fishnets, suspenders and stilettos, before parading him (handcuffed) up and down the promenade to the merriment of all and sundry.

Now it turns out that genuine women's lingerie isn't built for the male anatomy, and so his cock and balls were not completely encased. He was, in fact popping out all over. All part of the fun until we rounded a corner and came face to face with two coppers, doing the pub 'n' club patrol.

They stood there, staring at this apparition in lace and body hair. We stood there, holding our breath to see which way it would go.

"Stag night is it, lads? Fair enough." And they wandered off. Much to our merriment, the last thing we heard as they disappeared into the crowd was one turning to the other and saying "Well, I would..."
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 11:01, 26 replies)
I genuinely didn't realise that the sort of feeble-witted prick who enjoys a drag-tragedy stag do would be able to read and write.
You learn something every day.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:16, closed)
Put yer fucking knickers back on
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:18, closed)
you'll never find someone to marry you with that kind of attitude

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:18, closed)

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:10, closed)
*removes monocle*
I say!
*replaces monocle*
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 13:10, closed)
*symbolically burns copy of Loaded*

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 13:17, closed)
I organised a stag night for a mate years back where we were all dressed as nuns
...though it did turn out that he was a bit of a prick and I'm now living with his wife. That's not important, the point is that the nuns' costumes were my idea.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 15:39, closed)
you fucking smug homewrecking cunt

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:48, closed)
I'm going to pretend you said "penguins" instead of "nuns".

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:09, closed)
I call bullshit on this story.
There is no way on earth this is true: "to the merriment of all and sundry"
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 14:33, closed)
Ok, perhaps "abject horror and vomit-inducing revulsion" would have been more accurate

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:33, closed)
Now I believe your story.

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:58, closed)
I know a lad who went away to Prague for a long weekend for his stag do.
The 'best' man switched his suitcase as they got to the airport and the only clothes he had to wear for four days were a giant babygrow, a cowboy outfit, a Bo Peep costume and a wetsuit about 6 sizes too big for him. They had confiscated his wallet too so he couldn't go to the Czech equivalent of Primark either.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 16:35, closed)
ah, bless
and we wonder why the rest of Europe regards us a sub-neolithic arseholes.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:05, closed)
Things like that are the reason that Prague is shit now.

Well, not shit, it's still beautiful, but...
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:07, closed)
I went to Prague for my first stag do many years ago
We didn't upset anyone, got on fine with the locals and managed to combine culture with getting absolutely wombled. But that's not a very good story.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 10:07, closed)
The very reason I've spurned cheap holidays, saved hard, and gone places
the Britscum ® couldn't afford to go, or didn't know existed.
I mean I like getting hammered on cheap foreign booze as much as anyone, it's just that I don't want to fight the locals or have to pretend to be another nationality.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 20:28, closed)
I'ts pretty sad
when you have to pretend to be Scottish
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 23:38, closed)
I don't have to pretend, I'm constantly asked (by people who are "good at accents") which part of Scotland/Australia/South Africa I come from.
I can pretty much pick a country at random or agree with the questioner and I'll be believed.

Fairly amazing for a country where most people claim to be Scots/Irish/English/etc
(, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 4:46, closed)
We give passports to all the wrong people.

(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 17:11, closed)
The problem to me, isn't giving out passports to people,
but allowing them to return.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 20:29, closed)
Out on my stag, nothing bad happened to me,
and I had a great time not being humiliated.

I see now that I must have been doing it wrong.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 18:56, closed)
I'm afraid that if there are not pictures of you
lying in urine soaked jeans on a picturesque cobbled 15th century street, surrounded by gurning mates dressed as ugly women, then you didn't have a good time and are a boring old fart.
(, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 20:33, closed)

(, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 8:53, closed)
Next up: students steal traffic cones from roadworks, wear on heads, hilarity ensues.

(, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 9:02, closed)
My dad tried that, whilst I was a student.
Turned out to be full of spiders*. How we laughed.

*The cone, not my dad.
(, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 10:47, closed)

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