Double alt Q:
your mates should be more important to you than getting your dick wet. Basically, if you think it might bother them in even the slightest way, don't do it. Personally I think it's bloody rude and if I was going to do it I would probably wait until the ex is with someone else or all parties have very definitely moved on.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:05, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

this may be difficult to grasp for some of the hardened cynics on here
but there can be situations where that sort of thing can work out. I know people who are happily married after getting together with a mate's ex.

It's not that clear cut.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)

I'm with camp Vipros on this one.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)

the way I got together with Mrs V made me appreciate that things like that have to be judged on a case by case basis
also, my bass player has hooked up with a girl who was seeing his mate. I happen to know he liked her for a long time beforehand, and his mate treated her like crap.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)

How did you get together with the future Mrs V??

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

want the long version (previous QOTW post)
or the short one?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

skip to the end?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

they get married and live happily ever after

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)

you are mystic meg
aicmfp
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:20, Reply)

in summary, I'd been mates with her for 4 years at uni (on same course)
the final 2 and a half I had been with and was living with my gf of the time.
Got towards the end of uni, we were on a field trip to Barcelona, both kind of realised that in a couple of months we wouldn't see each other any more and didn't really like the thought of that.
I didn't want to dump my gf right before her finals and during her dissertation, so basically said I needed to sort my head out. Stopped smoking gear, distanced myself from our mutual friends somewhat, got my head down and studied. Meanwhile not getting up to anything with either of the girls.
Once exams are done with I break it off, get together with the current other half, and things have since been awesome.

full story here: www.b3ta.com/questions/guiltysecrets/post88822
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)

I like this (the long version)

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)

cheers
it was a hard thing to go through. Still cared a load for my ex, but it was never going to work out long term. Some of our mutual friends told me afterwards that I handled it well, which was nice to know.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

It reads like you played it well
maybe should have said yes at one bit but even then I'm only saying that cause 'it#s the right thing to do' but you knew the situation and it's worked out well.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)

there was an element of cowardice involved in saying no, I'll grant you
but really the fact that there was someone else was a catalyst, rather than the main reason so I felt it was best to keep that quiet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Are you calling Vipros camp?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

I'm glad someone picked up on it!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

I'm definitely not saying don't ever do it
I'm saying it's both polite and advisable to wait until everything has settled down post-split and you're sure it's not going to fuck anyone off. 6 months plus, say?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

I agree that if there is aftermath then it really isn't a good idea
can't really put a time limit on it though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

also, it depends on how long/seriously
they were together
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:14, Reply)

Well, this too obviously

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

and if you really like your 'friend'

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

And how big the girls tits are.
Sorry
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)

^
This Bob.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Why does everyone assume I am planning on doing this? I jsut had to think of a q on the fly cause you
went all gay on me!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Well ask better questions then.
It isn't our fault.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:10, Reply)

No one bothers with the questions after a while so just say what you will.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

I will.
Tell ya Internet, that Bob needs to be put more effort into his questions.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

As far as I understand you are banned from the internet by King Monty
and subsequently have lost all dobbing privelidges.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:18, Reply)

I've lost what exactly?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:21, Reply)

i think it's something about dobby the elf

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)

I'm saying you can't pretend tell on me to the internet.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)

Are you typing with a pencil glued to your head, and with your hands tied behind your back?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:24, Reply)

no, have you never heard the word dobbing before?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)

On 'Neighbours' once, in 1986
I think.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:29, Reply)

pffft you clearly aren't posh enough.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)

Fair dinkum.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Night mate, I'm teaching tomorrow so off to bed.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)

dobbing someone
means to tell on them, report them to the police etc, where I come from.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)

same!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)

No one likes a grass berk.
No one.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)

T'weren't me chief
looks like it's just me and thee again.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:45, Reply)

Yeah.
What have you done this evening?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)

Applied for a PhD
did some piano practise. Currently eating hazelnut ice cream and half-arsedly watching Top Gear on iplayer.
And yourself? News on the job front?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:48, Reply)

Been a busy day today.
Spoken to a number of people about possible contracts, so we'll wait and see what develops!

I watched 'My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' (catch it on 4OD, it's mental).

How is the ice cream?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)

I don't want to
because of the aforementioned mental. I find it somewhat nauseating and some of the gypsy marital practises extremely fucking dodgy.
The ice cream is chewy, I should have seived the bigger chunks of hazelnut out and decided I couldn't be bothered.
Yay on the jobs, think you'll find something soon?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)

Who knows?
But you really should give this gyppo wedding thing a viewing.

It's fantastic.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:58, Reply)

This.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)

Evening Stingray.
How are you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)

Stingraaaaaaaaaay, stingray
da da la da la da
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)

What's that supposed to be?
I think the stingrays are definitely shrinking. Kind of sad times, but really, really not if it means I can get stuff over my head.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:18, Reply)

Not too bad love.
Legs are hurting, but I actually feel reasonably clean. How are you?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:16, Reply)

Good cheers Lampy.
See you on the left side.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:19, Reply)

I'm quite content
with the trashy tv I'm watching, but I shall give it five minutes when this has finished.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)

Promise?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Giz the link then.

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)

www.channel4.com/programmes/4od
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:17, Reply)

This is going to be dreadful, isn't it?

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:20, Reply)

Ask Lampy is it's worth watching.
Whatever I say, you won't believe me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:21, Reply)

I'm six minutes in
I can tell it's going to annoy me. I'll give it until 15 minutes.
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)

it is quite an interesting question
at least, I'm curious about how other people think about things, as I'm sure Bobby is.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

I'm taking the 'general rule of thumb' approach to the question.
Rather than the specifics of any one particular situation.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)