this may be difficult to grasp for some of the hardened cynics on here
but there can be situations where that sort of thing can work out. I know people who are happily married after getting together with a mate's ex.

It's not that clear cut.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:06, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm with camp Vipros on this one.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)

the way I got together with Mrs V made me appreciate that things like that have to be judged on a case by case basis
also, my bass player has hooked up with a girl who was seeing his mate. I happen to know he liked her for a long time beforehand, and his mate treated her like crap.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)

How did you get together with the future Mrs V??

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

want the long version (previous QOTW post)
or the short one?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

skip to the end?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

they get married and live happily ever after

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)

you are mystic meg
aicmfp
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:20, Reply)

in summary, I'd been mates with her for 4 years at uni (on same course)
the final 2 and a half I had been with and was living with my gf of the time.
Got towards the end of uni, we were on a field trip to Barcelona, both kind of realised that in a couple of months we wouldn't see each other any more and didn't really like the thought of that.
I didn't want to dump my gf right before her finals and during her dissertation, so basically said I needed to sort my head out. Stopped smoking gear, distanced myself from our mutual friends somewhat, got my head down and studied. Meanwhile not getting up to anything with either of the girls.
Once exams are done with I break it off, get together with the current other half, and things have since been awesome.

full story here: www.b3ta.com/questions/guiltysecrets/post88822
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)

I like this (the long version)

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)

cheers
it was a hard thing to go through. Still cared a load for my ex, but it was never going to work out long term. Some of our mutual friends told me afterwards that I handled it well, which was nice to know.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

It reads like you played it well
maybe should have said yes at one bit but even then I'm only saying that cause 'it#s the right thing to do' but you knew the situation and it's worked out well.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)

there was an element of cowardice involved in saying no, I'll grant you
but really the fact that there was someone else was a catalyst, rather than the main reason so I felt it was best to keep that quiet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Are you calling Vipros camp?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

I'm glad someone picked up on it!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

I'm definitely not saying don't ever do it
I'm saying it's both polite and advisable to wait until everything has settled down post-split and you're sure it's not going to fuck anyone off. 6 months plus, say?
(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

I agree that if there is aftermath then it really isn't a good idea
can't really put a time limit on it though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

also, it depends on how long/seriously
they were together
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:14, Reply)

Well, this too obviously

(berk, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

and if you really like your 'friend'

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

And how big the girls tits are.
Sorry
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)