I wrote a story.
It started out with this post on another site:

I have a story I'd like told. Or, more correctly, I don't have the story but would like one.

I was up at the biosecurity offices a couple of weeks ago and in amongst the items confiscated was a pair of taxidermed frogs dressed up like a bride and groom (who was also wearing a poncho and sombero) and posed standing up looking into each others eye sockets. I'd pay 1c per word for the story of how they met and fell in love and ended up in the confiscated goods locker at Auckland's MAF depot.

So I replied with this:

His earliest memories were very dim, of course. He had vague impressions of having a tail and wriggling about, and of food that came easily to his mouth as he swam. The light grew slowly brighter and then dimmer as he swam about eating, and after some time he became aware of new sensations- of areas on him that were suddenly sensitive, of movement where there had been none before, and gradually thrashing his tail began to feel awkward. He became aware of his legs, and soon found that kicking them would propel him through the water even faster than his tail had done.

He also became aware that the food he had taken for granted was beginning to lose its appeal. There were smaller things in the water that had different tastes, and he started to explore the sensations of eating the things that floated on the surface. As he did so he found that he could break through the surface and survive, the unfamiliar air filling his new lungs and bringing him a whole new world to experience.

Then came the wondrous day when he found that he could climb out of the water to where his food flew about, and that his tongue could flick out and snatch tasty things out of the air. He still needed to return to the water to keep his skin from getting too dry, but now he has two separate worlds to live in! How could life get any better?

And yet, it did.

As he swam through the familiar territory he had known for his entire life, a new scent came to him through the water. Or had it been there before and he had never noticed it? Either way, it was wonderful and spoke to the deeper parts of his brain in ways he could not resist. Down through the depths he swam, following the scent… and there she was.

She was a beautiful shade of green, with big golden eyes that he could get lost in. Her legs were long and shapely with delicate flippers, her mouth wide and sensuous, and she was doing something fascinating down there in the weeds. Something flowed from her body, and it was that which had attracted his attention and filled his nostrils and his brain. He swam closer and the sensation was overpowering, triggering a release in part of him that he had never known existed. A cloud trailed in his wake as he swam past the eggs, and at that moment he knew that he would always be near her.

The days got shorter and colder, but still they swam together, sharing the sun as it diminished and catching what food they could. Finally the cold deepened and they found themselves getting sleepy, and curled up near one another in the mud to rest through the long cold of winter.

They woke to coldness, but their hunger drove them from the mud to seek food. They spent the long days eating and gathering strength again as the water grew warmer, and again the time came when she emitted that wondrous scent. Together they swam to their special place, and he felt the warmth of the sensations as she deposited her eggs into the weeds. Lovingly he swam past them, releasing his precious cargo to them, then they went back to the shallows to feed again. They were so happy together that they never noticed the new presence.

Without warning something splashed into the water around them. They both sprang for safety, but something tough tangled them and pulled them backward out of the water! Some terrible monster had caught them in something like tangled weeds and was lifting them through the air! They found themselves plopped into a hard dry container, and he knew that they would never see their home again. He felt her fear and wanted to comfort her, but had no idea how.

*******

Jose had carefully put the two frogs into some ether to give them their final sleep, and then begun the delicate process of dismantling the small bodies. His trained eye told him which one was the female, and he carefully fitted her into a tiny lace dress that his gnarled old fingers had lovingly sown. He arranged her to her best advantage, then put her on the stand with the male who now wore the traditional sombrero and pancho of the local fishing village. It was a lot of work for a few pesos, but it would earn him some dinner at least at the tourist shops.

*******

Bruce was sitting in the bar drinking the local version of a beer when Sheila popped in. “Oi, Bruce! Look at what I found! Adorable, innit?” And she opened a plastic bag to reveal the bride and groom, looking devotedly into each others’ eyes.

“Fucking hell, Sheila! That looks just like yer sister and her bloke! Spittin’ image!”

She twatted the back of his head. “Don’t be a pillock, Bruce! I thought they were cute!”

“Fine, luv, fine. Take ‘em home. Just keep them somewhere that I don’t have to see them all the time, right? They’ll give me the night horrors.”

*******

The customs agent opened their bags. “Back from holiday in Mexico, eh? Anything to declare?... Here now, what’s this?” And he pulled out a bag and peered inside it. “Sorry, but biological materials from overseas are forbidden. I’m afraid I’ll have to take these.”

“What!” Sheila screeched. “But I paid seven dollars for those! What gives you the right to just snatch them away from me?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but all is fair in love and warts.”
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:58, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I think you have the wrong forum

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:59, Reply)

What? Did I land in /talk by mistake?

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:03, Reply)

It's a long convoluted bad pun
filling the screen At least apeloverage is only a line long generally.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:04, Reply)

But isn't that part of what makes this place fun? Bad puns?
Or have we gone past storytelling in these parts?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:06, Reply)

It's not a story
or a very good joke or a clever pun. Love and warts makes little to no sense. If it was any one of those three it'd be fine.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:07, Reply)

yeah, I remember the stories
But no-one does them anymore. Sorry neebs.
( djtrialprice, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:17, Reply)

Zing!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:09, Reply)

Sod off

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:01, Reply)

Has all of b3ta come down with a simultaneous case of PMT this week?
First we get fifteen pages of ranting in one day in QOTW, and now I'm told to sod off? Sheesh. Have some chocolate over there.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:11, Reply)

Jog on fucko

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:16, Reply)