I spoke to a friend of mine this morning about selling him a coffee table.
Somehow he managed to turn the conversation into one about how his 'cock nearly exploded this morning' and how he was 'seeing stars from the pain'. You see, he'd put some 'product' on it last night when he was with a girl, 'all over the helmet', which you're 'not supposed to do', but he 'didn't wash it off' and this morning he was 'in agony'.

The which I replied 'so anyway, about this table...'

He is from Wigan.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:52, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

I call bullshit
As if you're friends with anyone from Wigan
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:57, Reply)

He's in the MD 'industry'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I can't think of anything you could have said which would have been more likely to result in me replying "Oh, that makes sense then"
Surely you know dealers in London? I know things are cheaper oop Norf but eventually Royal Mail will rumble you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:05, Reply)

I know this quite difficult to imagine as a concept
but he's from Wigan but lives in Islington.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:06, Reply)

*head explodes*
He's near Slimelight then. Lucky bastard.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:09, Reply)

I bet they play 'Fuck that Shit' EVERY NIGHT there - that's how fucking cool it is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:10, Reply)

You'd love it, Monty, you should check it out

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Oh man are there 'alternative' people down there?
That would be wicked, loads of people who REFUSE TO CONFORM, all dressed the same as each other. How fucking cool.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Yeah man
It's a vision of the future. If, in the future, we'll all be living in a disgustingly grimy warehouse and pretending we can distinguish between one set of horribly distorted beats and the next.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Oh man that sounds so dystopian.
Wi-cked.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I say this with the greatest respect for your ability to cane it
but I doubt you could get wasted enough to overcome your instinctive objections to every single thing about the place.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:27, Reply)

There are simply not enough drugs in the world for that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Not any more
If you could've gone a bit easier in the early 90s...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Christ, that must be a horrifying accent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:09, Reply)

He sounds like 'a fucking northerner' to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:12, Reply)