Good morning!
I'm here on the basis that you lot don't bite. Much.

Which smarty-knowstheirstuff-audiophile can recommend me some Grandad-friendly recording software?

(They need both voice and music recording, presumably, as it's their Church recording services to CD for the old women that can't get to the building anymore. Aww.)
( Bats, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:12, 15 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good morning Bats, might I say your shoulders look lovely today, have you done something different with them?
My suggestion: appeal to the congregation for a savvy worshipper to do it for you. Otherwise, it's a pain in the arse.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:34, Reply)

Set up a webcam in the pulpit and broadcast it live online.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:35, Reply)

Call Songs of Praise and ask them to help.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:36, Reply)

Get them a Sky+ subscription and lock it to GOD TV.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:37, Reply)

Wrap the old lady in bubblewrap, set up a Bovril drip, strap her to a sack-barrow, wheel her to the church, slip a brandy in near the end and she'll be fast asleep by the time she gets back to the home, making for an easy transfer back to her comfy chair.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:38, Reply)

Depending on where you are, some local radio stations broadcast a church service at 9am on a Sunday.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:40, Reply)

Batter her with a 15" black rubber cock.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:40, Reply)

She'd love that, the dirty bitch.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:42, Reply)

What Noel said, it's not like we're going to provide software support to your Grandad.
But Audacity would be very straightforward. I'm thinking the easiest way would be using the onboard soundcard on a laptop, get a mic with an eighth jack input, pretty much plug in and play. But the quality wouldn't be great, if you wanted something a bit better you could get an external soundcard that has a proper XLR input so you can plug a decent microphone into it.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:40, Reply)

8-in 2-out mixer with -8dB switch and phantom power, aux cap and treble/bass cut.
Ultra-low noise 8 in/2 out line mixer and 2 in/8 out line splitter, each channel can operate independently in mixer or splitter mode, usable as 6 in/6 out level matching amplifier or direct injection box, converts levels between -10 dBV and +4 dBu, extremely wide bandwidth from 5 Hz to 200 kHz for highest signal integrity, 6 mono in, 6 mono out, 2 main inputs and 2 outputs, 4/8-segment input/output level meters for all channels and a microphone gaffer-taped to the priest.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:42, Reply)

I do wish you were here last night.
Either a wonderfully-talented troll or a sixteen-year old right-wing twat with a stick up his ass.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1238585
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:45, Reply)

I'm just reading it now
It's funny, but the whole "special olympics" thing still stands when arguing with someone who is clearly either stupid or a troll.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 7:56, Reply)

I'm not asking for support
just a few software suggestions. I'm not much of an audio head, unfortunately. I will put forward Audacity after a bit of a play. Thanks :)
( Bats, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:35, Reply)

You can get fairly cheap USB soundacards that have XLR inputs.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:43, Reply)

That or Soundforge, Wavelab, etc.
Or get a digital dictophone.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:44, Reply)