You'll just have to take matters into your own hands.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:17, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

are you telling my to masturbate?
at a time like THIS?!
all my dreams of marrying a slightly chubby, geeky, loving and dorky male have been DASHED TO THE WINDS
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:20, Reply)

that
or he meant you should just find one and stick your hands down his pants. He's not going to complain then
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:26, Reply)

to be honest
this sounds like the worst idea ever
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:29, Reply)

there may be reasons
why I've been single so long
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:31, Reply)

and they've got nothing to do with your luxurious blonde hair

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:34, Reply)

I'm almost at a point where I actually like my hair
but I don't think it's ever helped me pull, boys don't like yellow hair as much as culture might imply
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:42, Reply)

start acting stupid

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:46, Reply)

the worst thing is
it was a genuine fuck up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Well I tick all of those boxes
(Apart from wanking over Lara Croft)

But I live over three thousand miles away. And I'm old with grey hair.

So yes - have a good old evening with whatever takes you away.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:31, Reply)

Oh man, too bad about that 3,000 mile thing. I reckon tonight it will be calgon.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:32, Reply)

Regrettably
My willy only reaches the Bahamas.

Maybe some of these adverts I keep getting will get it along the Mason Dixon line.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:40, Reply)

it's probably a bit tan, yeah?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:43, Reply)

It's encrusted in barnacles
With being under the sea and that.

I'd suggest that don't. Old people are using it as a bench.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:46, Reply)

but I bet it make a lovely home decoration

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

i like big bruver, me

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:48, Reply)

does answering the wrong thread make it stupider?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:49, Reply)

I only just got this haha

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:50, Reply)

Evening TD
Are you off to Old Trafford for the final game?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:45, Reply)

Damn right I am!
I could have been there today but I've been working.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:48, Reply)

It's shaping up to be a cracker!
I hope you're not on driving detail for that one!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:49, Reply)

All night Manchester - Leeds trains

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:51, Reply)

Are you based in Leeds?
I've only been to Leeds a couple of times. I remember having an 'adventure' in a pub (The Old Peacock maybe?) before a football match.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:52, Reply)

Peacock is over the road from Elland Road.
I live about half a mile over the border, but Bradford is such a dire fucking shitehole that I claim Leeds.

To explain - a house like mine would be worth £230k with a Leeds postcode. I can see houses like that across the valley.

With a Bradford postcode it's worth £190K.

And I don't mind at all - it'd be £1.5m in South London.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 22:00, Reply)

And for me to explain.
The Old Peacock wasn't what you could call 'away fan friendly'

A swift exit with various people throwing bottles/glasses in our general direction was in order.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 22:04, Reply)