I'd be Arthur Askey or Douglas Bader
Cop for that, leg eating genie!

(Edit - or Sooty.)
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 16:58, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

are you saying you want to either be dead
or have some dudes hand up your arse?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:01, Reply)

It was more about the lack of lower limbs
Such that threats of leg eating would be irrelevant, y'see...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:03, Reply)

i did not realise those guys didn't have legs

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Did you think that Sooty had legs, then?
He's not a real bear, you know.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:08, Reply)

whhhaaaa???

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:10, Reply)

No
See, if he was a real bear he'd have bitten Harry Corbert's head off rather than squirting him in the eye with a water pistol.

That's how zookeepers and them can tell between bears and glove puppets - chuck 'em a water pistol and see what they do.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Alright TD
There is a new HMHB album out tomorrow.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Is there indeed?
You'll note a slight nod in their direction above.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:17, Reply)

How has your weekend been?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Well I've had my first professional complaint this weekend
Now I know I'm a jobbing cowboy masquerading as a "so called expert." Straight onto my insurers tomorrow.

Yourself - you old get? I hope you've drunk a lot and feel sorry for yourself.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Oooh. Did someone make a complaint about the work you do.
Or did you make a complaint about something else?

I did get older. I did drink too much and I'm going to get a take-out this evening as I can't be fucked with cooking this evening.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Complaint against me
It was, as an American gumshoe might say, trouble from the moment I answered the phone.

Anyway - commendable drinking on your part.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Thanks very much!
Was it a justified complaint or just some chancer who it trying to stich you up?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:33, Reply)

She thinks it's justified
I am an independent provider of objective reports. I'd already bent that one to the elastic limits of objectivity on her insistence.

There's a difference between an independent expert and a gun for hire that she fails to understand.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:38, Reply)

In other news.
I've just had a toffee crisp.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:41, Reply)

You've really not put a foot wrong all weekend have you?
You're handling this ageing process impeccably, if I might say so.

Now answer me this - should I go to the boozer to watch the cricket?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Of course you should go to the pub to watch the cricket.
In fact. You should go to the pub, watch the cricket and have a few pints. You might also enjoy a bit of food when you're there. I'd suggest maybe a ploughman's. A ploughman's with maybe a few cold cuts added in or a pork pie. or both.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:48, Reply)

A ploughman's lunch? At teatime? Get away with you!
Not that easy round here because the only pub that televises cricket is the Thornhill and the next bus to the Thornhill is tomorrow morning.

May be TMS for me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Of course you could use the money saved by not going to the pub
on getting Sky Sports.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:59, Reply)

Sky is on the agenda - or similar.
I've only been able to watch BBC1 and BBC2 since May because my aerial blew over and can't pick anything else up, and aerial fitters won't go on my roof without scaffolding.

I'm not overly worried. I can sometimes get ITV if it's not too windy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 18:04, Reply)