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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Horrific today
I ran out of tablets so went to the after hours GP and

she went "NO, NOT GIVING THEM TO YOU"
and I was like "WAHHHH, I NEED THEM TO LIVE"
and she's like "GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, LOSER"
and I was like "LISTEN, I AM ON THEM FOR PAIN. ONLY PAIN. IF I WAS ON THEM FOR ADDICTION THEN I WOULD BE ON A HELL OF A LOT MORE AND SCORING THEM OFF THE STREETS"
and she was like "NO I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU"
and I was like "LOOK AT MY SCARS, LOOK AT MY OLD PACKETS OF TABLETS"
and she was like "SOD OFF"
and I was like "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit, I'm fucked, seriously fucked. I can't survive without them. Let's say I am on them for addiction, what happens if I suddenly stop for a day?"
and she's like "seasure, possible heart attack, anxiety, horrific pain"
and I'm like "OH SHIT, I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT ON NO FAULT OF MY OWN"
and she's like "HAVE YOU TRIED TO COME OFF THEM?"
and I was like "NO, I HAVE THEM BECAUSE I HAVE EXTREME PAIN, I NEED THEM. I MIGHT AS WELL QUIT MY JOB AND GO ON SICK PAY AND LIVE OFF THE STATE IF I DO"
and then she was like "OK, OK, JUST THIS ONCE GONZ, JUST THIS ONCE".
and then I was like "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT, My life really sucks in so many respects, is it really worth the pain of carrying on? Is it really worth me being such a drain on everything. I'm going to have this for the rest of my life, there is nothing else, there are people like sue marsh who has more or less the same thing as me and this explaining how shit being ill is"

But then I got'n'took my tablets and saw a dog, so it's OK now.
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