Seriously, mate, have you ever been to Derby?
You walk in there on hind legs and genitalia won't be a concern, you'll be proclaimed God-King and worshipped by the braying masses in seconds.

But you will be in Derby.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:00, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I've been to Chesterfield. Will that do?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:02, Reply)

My ex was from Chesterfield
Should've known it wouldn't work.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)

I have felt a chest of a lady from Chesterfield
Does this help?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)

If this happened between 1997 and 2001
I'm afraid I will have to punch your face off
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Is there really that much to distinguish between Nottingham and Derby?
I find the two cities to be interchangeable.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)

*faints dead away*
*wakes up with raging stonk-on*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:08, Reply)