My worst bank holiday and first sexual experience were one and the same weekend.
Your Dad had got drunk and was being violent toward your Mum (as little blokes do). She had decided she wanted a real man and although I was only 14 she knew her achingly beautiful loins longed for me.

Long story short, smelly fanny=couldn't cum.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 May 2012, 9:54, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

This wins.
Edit: I hope this doesn't make you my stepfather.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 3 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)

Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I feel completely fine this morning.
This defies medical science. How can it be?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)

You are actually dead, sorry to be the bearer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)

I feel like the inside of a sheep's cunt.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)

You feel sexy?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)

You cruising for a piece of ass?
/fillum
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Never overextend your thrust. You are vulnerable... and off balance!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)

You Shpanish Peacock.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Hahahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Schpanish peacock.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

What's wrong with being sexy?
/alsofillum
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Well, I don't know, wh-wh... what're the hours?

( Peej, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)

feel look
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Both.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Well done ewe.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Baaa humbug.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Then I suggest you get yourself one.
Why deny yourself life's little pleasures?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)