From wikipedia's page
A customer (also known as a client, buyer, or purchaser) is the recipient of a good, service, product, or idea, obtained from a seller, vendor, or supplier for a monetary or other valuable consideration.

They've recieved the service of viewing your website, looked at your product ideas. They've provided you with (I assume) contact details or at the very least let you download cookies to monitor their browsing habits.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 11:54, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Nah I'm not buying that.
Much like these 'customers' of mine LOL

They're not clients, buyers or purchasers.

If you walked in and out of a shop without making a purchase are you one of their customers?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Not disagreeing with you entirely
but that's not a great example. If you wanted to know the number of customers in a shop at any time, surely you'd just count the people in there that aren't staff, regardless of whether they had actually bought anything?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:06, Reply)

You've something of a point here yourself.
But I have a report which supposedly identifies subscribers/non-subscribers and 'customers' but I am being told they're all customers and there's no way of telling them apart (unless I fucking pay for a new report to be designed). The patronising prick actually called me to show me how to check an individual record to see if there's an order history, the suggestion being that perhaps I could do this for about 30,000 records, manually.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:10, Reply)

Can't you just put the data in Excel
And do a lookup?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:12, Reply)

The quick answer is 'no', mate.
I cannot access all the data.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:16, Reply)

Well you're fucked then aren't you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Excellent technical answer here.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:22, Reply)

This additional detail does indeed prove
that he is a fucking prick. I concur.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)

What type of database is it and what do you use to pull your reports?
I'll make you a new report for a tenner.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)

(if I have the software here)

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)

Pricing yourself out of the market there.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)

rofflecopters

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:14, Reply)

Adding a filter in SQL and changing the headers from "customers" to "people who may or may not have recieved custom"
will take me about 5 mins.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:17, Reply)

I'm not questioning your ability to do it, I'm questioning his ability to pay you a tenner.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:19, Reply)

:o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:20, Reply)

He can send me a set of shelves or whatever the fuck he sells instead.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:22, Reply)

The problem is that there isn't an export from this site with all the relevant information in it, from which it could be sorted.
It's all custom stuff: for you to extract it you'd need access to parts of the back end of the site which we cannot get into - annoying as fuck because if we could it would be easy. These wankers want paying to give me information I should be able to get in an instant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:19, Reply)

What is the point in having this information if you can't access it?
I think you need to get someone else to set up your website.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:23, Reply)

I think you are entirely correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:33, Reply)

So the report you're getting is direct from a webpage?
If you don't have access to the raw data just go back saying "I won't pay for a report to be designed just set up a straight data export to be sent over an ftp to be stored and analysed locally"
Even if they're hosting the whole thing they should probably accept that the data is owned by your company and it's up to you what you do with it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

I will try this.
Thanks a lot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:31, Reply)

You'll need to do a risk assesment about storing the data though.
We will password protect the data, encrypt the files, not browse porn on the servers, keep antivirus up to date. Review this in three months. That sort of thing.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:40, Reply)

Gotcha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Wait, wait, back up there...
"NOT browse porn"??
Sounds rubbish.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Sounds to me like you're just being a lazy prick, Monty.

( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:24, Reply)

I read this as 'AAAARRGRGRGRHHH IT'S A MOTH!!!!!'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:32, Reply)

I read this as "Waaaaaah, a company I paid to do a specific job won't do something I didn't pay them for for free"

( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:40, Reply)

So you are siding with the unhelpful IT guys here?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Speaking as an unhelpful IT guy
I feel it'd be betraying my people to adopt a different stance.
( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Is that stance 'cowering, shaking, in a corner because a harmless insect is in the room'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Haha fuck you

( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:55, Reply)

What valuable consideration have they exchanged this service for?

( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 11:59, Reply)

If you have their details,
their details so that you can tirelessly spam the fuck out of them
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:04, Reply)

I'm by no means an expert
but I've always assumed that "custom" was a knowing contract by both parties to exchange goods/services for currency/commodities.

Personally, and this is only a personal opinion, I wouldn't have thought that cookies and contact details count. You don't have an option over cookies aside from avoiding the website altogether and, unless they've bought something or signed up for something, you shouldn't have their contact details.
( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:07, Reply)

I was not disputing this particularly
I was just subtly moaning about spam.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:09, Reply)

I like the story about the email spammer
whose house address was discovered by internet people and they started signing him up for physical junk mail.

He tried to get a court injunction and the judge ruled "fuck you, I hate email spam".
( Kroney, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:11, Reply)

i hardly think, visiting a website makes you a customer if you have not at least attempted to buy something

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 11:59, Reply)

No custom = not a customer.
Simple really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:03, Reply)

This is true, but I think what your web monkey is looking at are lost potential customers.
Analysis of 'dropped carts' is used to try to improve sales.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:05, Reply)

c f

Pewww, open the window!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:07, Reply)

That's what I want to look at too.
I want a list of the cunts' email addresses. Nothing earth-shattering.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)

A list of email addresses is a bit of a ballache because of Information governance to be honest.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:16, Reply)

But we have the email addresses anyway.
All I need to do is run a match of that list against one of all our purchasers and subtract one from the other.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:39, Reply)

, visiting a website makes you a customer if you have not at least attempted to buy something
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:03, Reply)

I do lack a brain filter it's true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Nov 2012, 12:05, Reply)