I'm having computer technical issues, so can't answer all your questions as it will take ages on my phone.
If it's still here when I fix the thing, I'll do my best.
But to answer your first question, I take ladypig to the doctors every month for a thing she has, but haven't been for myself since the scrotum crisis of 2011.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 8:53, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I don't know whether to shoot myself or shit myself, Windy
What would you recommend?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:13, Reply)

shit on someone else.
Then they'll be having a worse day than you. What's up?

Come over and fix my computer.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:15, Reply)

You know, people in my family seem to think I have MAD HAXXOR SKILLS too
Whenever a computer "stops working" I get called in. I genuinely have no idea what I'm doing, but I just fanny around with settings until something happens. Seems to have worked so far.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:18, Reply)

this is what I'm doing now.
How long should a system restore point take? I've been here a while.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Hmmm....have you tried pouring orange juice into it?
If you don't have orange juice, pineapple will do.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:33, Reply)

I might just throw it in to a lake.
How was your weekend? I got extremely drunk after the rugby and fell in through my own front door and have a lump on my head where I headbutted the wall. I'm a classy bird.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:37, Reply)

Depends on the lake
Very nice work....I once fell onto a guitar while drunk, and snapped off a tuning peg. I was quite upset about this.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:39, Reply)

that would be distressing.
I was thinking of the Salton sea in LA, what do you reckon?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Excellent choice
I've been watching that Africa series over the weekend. I have to say, it's fucking brilliant. Seen it?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:41, Reply)

not really, was going to catch up this week as I've got some time off.
I've heard very good things though.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:45, Reply)

It's only on iPlayer for a few more days, so catch it while you can
Unbelievable stuff
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:47, Reply)

I find that hard to believe.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:48, Reply)

"scrotum crisis"
My new band name
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:16, Reply)

it was terrifying,
Having ball problems is scary as Fuck.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:24, Reply)

If you have ball problems I feel bad for you son,
I got 99 problems but testicular cancer aint one.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:30, Reply)

I'm most probably sterile :(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Good, world is overpopulated as it is.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Worst chat-up line ever

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:44, Reply)