Desperation
This morning I received a letter that began like this:

"Dear Sir/Madam

What you can smell is a hint of sandalwood, with a few floral notes mixed in to produce a scent that's warm and relaxing. The overall effect gives one a sense of well-being. All's right with the world. No worries. Tra-la."

Now, who do you suppose sent it?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 11:29, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Volkswagen
They do that sort of thing. They sent me a pair of cotton gloves once, so that if I bought a new Passat I wouldn't get greasy fingerprints on it. Or something like that.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Agree with above
They sent me barbed wire once to wrap around my Golf just in case anyone tries to steal it.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 11:40, Reply)

nope, not VW
try again!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Alfa Romeo
Those chaps arrange for my Italian made car to have numerous and annoying mechanical problems so that I can get to know my much maligned dealer network better...

As for the note, is it Gordon Brown's latest means of getting in touch with the public now that everyone greets a 6am phone call with "Fuck off Gordon"?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Jul 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Could it be
an insurance company? You know, everything's right with the world just now, BUT WHAT IF YOUR HOUSE WERE TO EXPLODE AND KILL EVERYONE THAT YOU LOVE AND THEN BURN DOWN YOUR WHOLE TOWN?

Well, TakeAllYourMoneyButNeverPayOut Insurance Co. Ltd will take care of that for you.

Edit - apologies for bold shoutiness above.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 11:58, Reply)

K2k6,
Your hard-hitting advertising style has impressed me, and made me worry for the safety of my family and/or possessions.

Where do I sign to give you all my money?

As for the letter- I'm going to hazard a guess at Honda? They have a nice advertising style, and this wouldn't be unfitting.
( Thinker, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:01, Reply)

@Le Penseur
Just gaz me your credit card number and expiry date and I'll take care of it all for you, thanks.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:07, Reply)

you're all heading in the wrong direction
not cars or insurance. keep going.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Glade?
The plug-in people?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:09, Reply)

nope
...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:10, Reply)

Hmmm....
...Ikea?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:15, Reply)

^^
An undertakers?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:17, Reply)

all wrong!
Would you like me to tell you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:19, Reply)

My money's on Kaol
He may come across as a knife weilding maniac, but at heart he's really just a big fluffeh sop.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:19, Reply)

*in unison*
Yesssss!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Hullo!
Please tell us, HLT!

Is this where we are today? I'm lonely!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Hahaha!
Nah, wasn't Kaol.

It was the Royal fucking Mail, trying to lure me into using their Special Delivery service!!!!!

The rest of the letter was a load of shite as well, banging on about how RM could make my life more relaxing if I was secure in the knowldedge that I've had to spunk £4.50 just to make sure my gas bill payment arrived on time instead of being used as loo paper in one of their "depots" by one of their "employees".

Tossers.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Royal Snail
I'm dead chuffed to hear that while more Post Offices out of action than the Luftwaffe, Consignia Royal Mail have spare cash to send smelly notes out to folk advertising their services...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Jul 2008, 12:31, Reply)

^^What PJM said
Why do they bother wasting money like that?

Another thing. Second class mail. Why have two different mail streams? I can't understand the logic of it. I'm going to post my grievance in a new thread.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 14:15, Reply)