18 words over
but what's a few words between friends?

Full story in reply.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 20:22, 16 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

.
Short story

She breathed him in, every inch of her body was electric, her nerve endings enflamed with passion just looking at him. Gazing at him was a sport in itself, toned body, chiselled jawline with high cheekbones, sparkling blue eyes and a shock of blonde hair that was immaculately groomed. He smiled as she drank him in, watching as her breasts moved tantalisingly closer as she reached for a glass of water to sate her thirst. She was a good looking woman; long auburn hair cascading down her back, grey eyes and a body that could and indeed did stop traffic.

It had been a while since she’d felt this way about anyone thanks to the car accident that had left her in hospital for three months and two weeks in ICU. Her initial prognosis was poor, but it seemed to mostly be superficial. Her fiancée has not been so lucky though, he was decapitated on impact with the drunk driver’s SUV, he’d never been a fan of seatbelts despite Mary’s nagging.

Now a year later, she felt more secure in herself, able to leave the house by herself so long as she was wearing adequate foundation to cover the scars, She had even started a new job at the local bookstore after she’d made the decision to not go back to her previous employer. Working opposite her dead fiancée’s desk would have been too difficult.

It was a warm September morning when he’d breezed into the shop and literally swept her off her feet; she was carrying a stack of books and not looking where she was going when they collided. He waved away her embarrassment and apologies and looking deep into her clear grey eyes asked her to go for coffee after work. She recoiled instantly feeling guilty as she’d not considered dating anyone since the accident, but he was insistant, so she said yes.

Over the coming weeks they spent many enjoyable evenings together at the cinema and at her house trying new recipes and laughing when they turned out a bit wrong. She couldn’t help but feel something was missing though as despite his chatty manner and easy smile, she felt a coldness when she was close to him that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She brushed this aside as she was still in the first flush of early romance and tonight was to be the first night when they would be intimate and she could barely contain her longing for their first kiss.

He was a gentleman she discovered and he pleasured her many times that night in ways she’d only dreamt of. Before they succumbed to sleep she told him of her fiancée and how he had never satisfied her as well as he. Instead of happiness, his face grew clouded and then angry at her words, he dressed hurriedly. Her eyes widened and she fainted dead away as he threw on his shirt instead of his usual polo neck disclosing the scar now fading in a perfect line around his neck that he’d tried so hard to hide.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 20:23, Reply)

Oh, nice one
I'm liking these stories.

And I'm not enough of a literary critic to actually criticise them properly, so keep 'em coming.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 20:51, Reply)

It started out as just porn
but the word count is too short, so I had to cut a lot out.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 20:59, Reply)

I'm sure
we could waive the 500 word limit if you want to post porn!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 21:06, Reply)

Interesting
There seems to be a fair amount of pron writing going on here... not that its anything to complain about.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 21:17, Reply)

I might write some later
depends if my download finishes soon or not ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 21:19, Reply)

Another piece of great writing
Us b3tans are certainly a talented bunch.

Now, if I was going to criticise, I would say that some of the sentences can be a bit long and unwieldy - they need more breaks, maybe a comma here and there. As an example, "He waved away her embarrassment and apologies and looking deep into her clear grey eyes asked her to go for coffee after work" could become, "He waved away her embarrassment and apologies, looked deep into her clear grey eyes, and asked her to go for coffee after work" Other than that, however, the writing is excellent.

Nicely done - you get a "Woo Yay!" from me ;)

*click*
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 21:24, Reply)

I'm hopeless with grammar
and punctuation. My schools didn't really teach it as in primary they said we'd learn more about sentance structure in high school and in high school they said we should have learnt it in primary school as you couldn't write a sentance without structure.

It's more of a stream of conscious the way I type, which I know must be irritating for the reader. Will try harder next time :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 21:45, Reply)

Aw! I'm ashamed now.
I'm a cowardy custard.

Great story Becky.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 21:58, Reply)

Ah
Good evening Miss Blouse. Come and regale us with your tales of merriment if you please.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 22:06, Reply)

Hello K2K6
What merriment. I've done bugger all today and I shall probably do bugger all tomorrow.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 22:13, Reply)

OK then
tell us some grumpy stories of doing sod all : )
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 22:37, Reply)

Well I went to the barbers this morning.
But he was on holiday. That put me in a pissy mood for the rest of the day.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 22:58, Reply)

Nice.
Good twist at the end...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 12:49, Reply)

What TRL said
Very nice twist.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 12:55, Reply)

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( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 16:48, Reply)