Pet hates.
I remember there was a QOTW on this once. I've just encountered something that brought it all back. So if you've discovered any new ones, as I have, please feel free to share.

First off, email insincerity. Might seem oddly specific as insincerity in general is enough to wind most people up, but I reserve a special withering hatred for people who are insincere in emails. What do they think I'm going to be able to do to them?

This is split into two sub-categories. Firstly, implied insincerity through being a grammatical mongoloid and secondly, deliberate attempts to avoid saying what they actually mean.

Examples:

My boss has a habit of putting an ellipsis where he means to put a full stop e.g. "thanks, mate..."

An ellipsis has two meanings as a form of punctuation, that I'm aware of. Firstly that there is more information coming. Well, it's the end of an email, so clearly there isn't. The email has ended. The second is that it's occasionally used to convey a sarcastic response, where the added information is said mentally. "Thanks, mate...*yeah, for nothing*"

Intentional insincerity comes in mostly the same form as it does when spoken. For example "I don't mean to be rude, but" or "I'm sorry, but". No, you are not sorry and you do mean to be rude. What you are doing is attempting to avoid responsibility for the punch that I'm going to desperately want to give you after you've finished telling me whatever it is that I'm not going to want to hear. Over email, it's all the more galling as there's absolutely no threat of reprisals. What are they afraid of? That I'll send them a strongly worded response?

*gnashes teeth*
( Kroney, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:35, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hotmail
No, I don't need cunting help signing in you patronising cunt, I merely spacked up my password slightly by trying to type too fast.

Also, people in the park- aside from the fact that I have no desire to see your huge wobbling arse as you sunbathe in just a thong, you can all piss off. This morning, walking my dog (good god, where have all the people gone?) I picked up about 7 mini barbeques, chicken bones and god knows how many ripped beer cans, and put them in the bin. I come here every fucking day, I know all the groundsmen by name, and I clear up everything that you left to be dealt with by someone else. DO NOT have a go at me because my dog is off the lead just because you're stupid little brat saw her from 20 metres away and started crying because you've imbued a pathetic sense of fear in them of everything that isn't the TV. She won't go near you, if she did, she wouldn't touch you. Take some semblance of resposibility, and stop leaving shit around that generally ends up being eaten by all those cute little squirrels you were showing sqidgum earlier, which causes them to die a horrifically painful death.

More to follow.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:50, Reply)

Also
I've always liked the term 'insincere sincerity' for what you're talking about.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:54, Reply)

It's the little things.
People who don't put their chairs back under the table but leave them out. Especially in my office where there is a large boardroom table in a very small space to start with so I have to traverse round to get to the filing cabinets.
( girlinthehole, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:01, Reply)

Parking on pavements
just the other day I had my friend's little boy for the afternoon and had to detour the buggy on to the road eight times on the way home.

When my kids were little I had a mahoosive Silver Cross buggy which was very good at scraping the paint on badly parked cars.

I miss that buggy.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:06, Reply)

Not you TWW, obviously
But why do new mums all go out together, three across the pavement in a line, and then expect me to walk in the fucking road? WHY? You saw me miles away, one of you could have dropped back!
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:19, Reply)

@TWW
I find that a quick sideways kick with my heel makes a very satisfying dent in the offending car.

A week ago I stopped for coffee on the way in to work, and came out to find that an SUV had parked approximately six to eight inches from the driver's side of my car. At that point I had two choices: climb in through the passenger's side and scrape out a very nasty message with the point of a key in their all-too-close door, or go back into the shop and loudly demand that the twat with the blue SUV move it so I could get into my car as I was already late for work.

I'll let you guess which one transpired.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:21, Reply)

^ I had a Silver Cross pram... apparently.
I sympathise about the 3 new mothers with the prams thing, especially when they have those massive 3-wheel things and barge past you yelling "SCUSE ME PLEASE!" when there is plenty of room for all of you. Grr.
( Maladicta, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 18:22, Reply)

God
People who use prams, pushchairs and trolleys as weapons annoy me beyond belief. When they then fail to block you from walking on their intended route, the'll give you a look as if to say that you're the cunt of the encounter.
( Kroney, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 19:14, Reply)

Motorised Scooters
I have no qualms with the fact they exist, its good to see old and incapable people out and about.

But when they drive up behind you at 12MPH and expect you to move, even though they say nothing and have silent motors, then drive over your heel and wonder why you get so irate, isn't for winners.

Nor are those that drive in the road 4 foot from the curb, and try to traverse roundabouts in rush hour.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 20:38, Reply)

People who barge past you for example and say sorry as they are doing it
saying sorry does not make it ok you fucking idiot. you clearly aren't sorry otherwise you wouldn't have done it in the first place.

apologising is not an excuse for rudeness that could otherwise be avoided.

also: old people and those with children in prams or pushchairs shopping at the weekend or straight after work time.

you've got the whole fucking week to do it, why get in the way of those who don't!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 8:59, Reply)

I'm a fattist
I hate fat people! The ones without the medical condition who scoff a whole chicken on their cornflakes.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 9:57, Reply)

kev
Why?
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Well...
I'm a cornflake purist. No milk, no sugar...just the flakes.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:48, Reply)